Apologies, glances and messed up chances.

Today was just simply mind-blowing! Dr. A.R. Bernard's message has revived my passion and love, also my dream and calling. I will never forget this - "Spiritual discipline is my responsibility, and I am the one that got to keep it going" and "it's my character that keep me where I am and dtermines who I am". I just felt so relieved but also, a burden in my heart, to make things happen. I want to go back to my God of my youth once again, I had gone astry for too long.

Perhaps, this is the way it's meant to be. Perhaps there is nothing we can do about it. You always say you want to do this and that, but after all those empty promises you made to me. I learnt something. There's this habit I obtained - whatever you say, I will just listen and not take it to heart, or even make a point to remember it. I mean what's the point, you won't even bother to fulfil it. I wonder what happened to "My word is my bond".

I am going to start studying. I really mean I will start studying. I am left with less than a month to prelims. Oh man I am really scared but I... I GOT TO START STUDYING! It just seems that I got so many things to do, when I don't. This really sucks. I want that worship song we sang in service today. And I think I am going to cut my hair again. Wish me all the best.

God of my youth I remember

Your call on my life took me o'er

Your love has seen me through all my days

I stand here by Your grace

On this altar I've written my life

Tells of a story I have with You my Lord

I want the world to know

God of my forever

And forever I'm with You

My life is saved with a price

Your sacrifice redeemed my soul

God of my forever

And forever I will sing

My greatest honor will always be

To serve my Lord and King

God of my all I've surrendered

My heart finds its rest in Your word

Praises will not be enough to show

How my love for You has grown

Nothing matters when You're here with me

In the end just to hear You say "Well done"

Bowing before Your throne

Forever and ever

Jesus You alone in glory reign

Forever and ever

With You I walk this narrow way

-God Of My Forever

The presence of God was just so overwhelming even as I started worshipping. This song reminds me of the first day when I get to know Him. All I wanted was to get to know Him, walk with Him all my days. I miss His love, it's His grace that had brought me through all these years. I will never be who I am now, without all His mercy. Thank You Lord. It's Him who had brought me this far, yet, I had done nothing to prove my love for Him. I am guilty for that. I want to change, to be more like You. I make sure I will do my best to.