Her feelings she hides

Her dreams she can't find

She's losing her mind

She's fallen behind

She can't find her place

She's losing her faith

She's fallen from grace

She's all over the place

With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes

Broken inside

I know how emo this sounds. But thats all I am feeling. Won't the devil just leave me alone. I am screwed up enough. I want You. Where are You?! What do You mean when You say, "I'm right here"?

All the nights I've cried myself to sleep
Where were you?
What happened to all your "encouraging words"?
Well... I have no idea why I am making such a fuss
when I am supposed to be used to your EMPTY TALKS.

Quiet nights 'n quiet stars, quiet chords from my guitar
Floating on the silence that surrounds us
Quiet thoughts 'n quiet dreams, quiet walks by quiet streams
Climbing hills where lovers go to watch the world below together

We will live eternally in this mood of reverie
Away . . . from all the earthly cares around us
My world was dull each minute until I found you in it
And all at once the happiness I knew,
Became these quiet nights of loving you


Things I am going to do straight after Os:
Sleep for 24hours
GET A LIFE!!!
Get a haircut
SHOP!
GO TO BORDERS AND GRAB TONS OF BOOKS!
Watch HEROES, VERONICA MARS, GOSSIP GIRL, WIZARD OF WAVERLY PLACE!
Watch TONS of movies in theatres
Skate
Work out
Get a job
GO CRAZY AND FREE!

HONESTLY! O levels is sucking the life out of me. I am like a loner in this world now. GOD WHY! Gloria and I were just talking about our education system, it freaking sucks. In places like Australia, they can get like lousy grades and get into collage and university, and yet their universities are more regconised than ours. So whats the point of us studying so hard. Our MOE is trying to kill us. If only I wasn't born here. Screw this! Life...


Why is everyone looking for love?
Because it's the closest thing to magic.
And why exactly do we need magic?
Because it feels good to have it.


GOD, DO THE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME! THIS IS SOOOO.... tiring.

I am so drained, so tired, so sleepy, feel like crying out loud, shouting out loud, screaming out loud, dying quietly. But all these can wait.

2 Cor 4:16
Therefore we do not lose heart.
Even though our outward man is perishing,
yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.

I am over my trauma (thanks, to you-s), but... I still need a hug.

Funeral For A Friend is my new obsession, and ONTD is catching up to that.
Youtub-ing is staying where it is. (Honestly, I have to say this. Gossip Girl is getting juicer, and I dislike CW for cancelling the Season 4 of Veronica Mars.)
And God is still the first place. Thank God.

If you have to let it go, walk away.
but my feet is stuck to the ground?

I BLOODY HATE MYSELF
I SUCK
I AM SUCH A LOSER

and no one can disagree.

GOD! I don't want to feel this way. I know how I sound. Saying and confessing all these things. But... URGH! Hate myself. Why is it so that everyone seems to be able to get the points they need to get into the course they want, even if they don't study much like me. WHY?! Probably its just this way. NO I CAN'T THINK THAT WAY! I don't want to waste another year in Secondary school. Oh gosh. I hate this battle in my mind. GET LOST! URGHHHH!
I need a hug.

SCREW THIS!! I am feeling soooo stress for NOT feeling stress and worried for tomorrow's paper! Someone save me please.

Shopping List
(Singapore)
black shorts
black pumps
black/white flats
new denim shorts
new skirt
NEW TOPS (DESPERATE!)
new bag
new pair of jeans
new wallet
dress + clutch + heels

(Hong Kong)
leather jacket
leather boots
more bags
handbag
shades
skirts (if possible)
TOPS
jeans
heels
scarfs
clutch


Honestly, I feel so out of love, out of this world, out of everything that is going on. Much like a loner soon. Everything is moving on without me. Maybe I am really not that needed afterall. I know how emo I sound. Just that, there are times where you come to a point, to realise what's your value, and its equivalent to zero, you find no need to do your best anymore. Feel like crying so much, had been keeping my tears for so long. Just 2 more weeks, I can lose control of all my emotions, and let go. So tired of throwing back all my feelings, and hold it inside. God, why do I find myself feeling so alone nowadays. Well... At least now I see who truly cares for me. Instead of all those, "say-ers". I don't mean to say this, but seriously, I dislike people who just kept on saying how much he cares, and shows no sign of concern AT ALL. You're just wasting your time and mine.

God, won't you look at this little faith I have, and make things possible.


"And the waiting is the hardest thing to take.
If you have to let it go, walk away."
Since I've lost you, I'm tired of waiting.
I'll walk away...

First of all, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to myself. Haha. My sweet sixteen was er... alright. I mean what can I expect, with all the stress I am taking now. Well, just want to thank God for these wonderful 16 years of my life, and I am still here, alive and kicking. In the fullness of His grace, I am able to be here. Looking back at the past 16 years, all the ups and downs, I would say it wasn't easy going through those obstacles, but He lifted me up. His love so great, that filled the gap in my heart. Whatever it is, this will be the brand new start of my new year, believe that it will get alot better. A year older, a year more mature, I hope I will be.
Ecc 7:10
Do not say,
“ Why were the former days better than these?”
For you do not inquire wisely concerning this.

These few days had just been so tough, so stress, so depressed. There are times when I just think I am such a failure, I can never do things right. And I'd tell myself it's so true. Just felt like saying, "SCREW THIS! I am going to runaway. (And don't you dare act like you care.)" But... I don't know. I just know, no matter how much I feel like crying now, I can't, I simply can't.
I just know...

I search for You

God of strength

I bow to You

In my brokenness

No other king could have so humbly come

To save my soul

And heal my heart

My cares released

In Your freedom I will live

In Your freedom I will live

I offer devotion

I offer devotion

This video touched my heart deeply. It's such an amazing and mind-blowing skit. DO WATCH IT!

GOODNESS! I had been so busy and tired, I totally forgot my birthday is this week, till my cg celebrated for me on saturday. They got me a pair of silver pumps, which was on my shopping list. Haha. It's just so weird. Cause I wanted to get it myself when I go out this week. But since they got it for me.. HAHA! Nikki was like, "I saw it on your blog that you wanted it, so I got you that". Then I told her, "Why didn't you choose the Ed Hardy one?! It's on the list too!" HAHA! Honestly, I can't wait till I buy everything on the list. But all of it are expensive stuff, especially, iPod. Sigh. (And this is HONESTLY not a way to *hint* for presents. I PROMISE.)


give me love when the day comes.

Have been watching Gossip Girl on youtube. Well... I was just about to finish watching Episode 2, then youtube starts giving problems. How annoying can this get. By the way, it's a really really great show. If you can, catch it.

Red bull? Coffee? Or just love?

I am so bored, and since I haven't been making a shopping list in a LONG time (though no one believes), I am going to make one now.

SHOPPING LIST
Long Black Cardigan
ED HARDY Top! (not Tee-shirt)
New Pair of Jeans
New iPod Nano (black/red)
Silver pumps
Bedroom slippers from Topshop

Dress + Clutch + maybe Heels (SPONSORED)


DONE!
Off to study! (URGH)