Why have I been blinded? Been so dumb? To see what I have always been seeking for, has always been right beside me. Yet time after time, I choose to give it up, for something I would rather not have. My entire life, I have been waiting, asking, to just be with You. But I gave that up, for something that can only satisfy me now. I am sorry, for I was lost.

I want you back for good.

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feeling so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
-Casting Crowns "Stained Glass Masquerade"


ninety miles from chicago, can't stop driving.

I know I haven't been updating for long. There are simply nothing much to blog about.
Well... I've got myself a job at Taka's PULLANDBEAR. It's really tiring, and some of the people working there are kind of "dao", I'll just see how it goes then. Till I find a new job, then I might quit, due to some other reasons that I can't say and because the time is not flexible enough, I can't attend my own cg and bs now. I started work yesterday, and today is an off day! How cool is that?!

At my very first day of work, God told me to do something. I was a little taken aback, I was like, "God You can't be serious. Of all people?" But I know very well. there is nothing impossible with Him. So, I simply obeyed.

Have been feeling kind of emotionless nowadays, and I know the reason.
"Let him come to me and drink and keep drinking", he said.

"Lord, I come thirsty. I come to drink, to receive. I receive your work on the cross and in your resurrection. My sins are pardoned. and my death is defeated. I receive your energy. Empowered by you Holy Spirit, I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength. I receive your lordship. I belong to you. Nothing comes to me that hasn't passed through you. And I receive your love. Nothing can seperate me from your love"
- the prayer I made

"Claire Bennet goes on another date with West against her father's wishes, where they share another kiss over the Hollywood sign. After convincing Claire to open up to him and jump from the sign, West catches her midfall to prove that he'll be there to catch her should she ever need him physically or emotionally."
-Heroes "The Kindness of Strangers"

I know this is gonna sound really dumb and blonde, still I think this is so sweet.

And Dan Humphrey in Gossip Girl is sooooo sweet, Nate Archibald is my pretty boy (HA!) and Chuck Bass is just hot; just hate the fact that sometimes he looks like pete doherty, EEK!
WHY MUST THOSE WRITERS GO ON STRIKE?! Now there will be lack of shows to watch. Great.
HEROES STILL ROCK!

In need of a job.
Still burnt.

To survive in this world, we hold close to us those people on whom we depend. We trust in them our hopes, our fears. But what happens when trust is lost? Where do we run when things we believe in vanish before our eyes? When all seems lost, the future unknowable, our very existence in peril... all we can do is run.
- Heroes "Run!"

CRAB! CRAB! CRAB! Honestly, I feel so... crab. That's the only word I can use to describe. Sigh. GOD why must you do this to me?! The moment I saw my SS paper, tears just want to creep its way down my cheeks. Amazing eh. The VERY first reaction. Not because it's way too easy. Cause everything I studied didn't come out. Great! Thank you very much. At that moment, I just felt that I hate You. But I can't bring myself to, I've got no right to, cause afterall, who can I blame for not putting enough effort, not doing my best.


It's so difficult to praise when you're feeling like... crab. shoots. Crab it a better word.

Lost for words with all to say
Lord you take my breath away
Still my soul, my soul cries out
For you are holy

And as I look upon your name
Circumstances fade away
Now your glory steals my heart

You are holy
You are holy Lord

Evermore my heart, my heart will say
Above all, I live for your glory
Even if my world falls I will say
Above all, I live for your glory

With all my heart I'll say
I'm living for your name
With all to give you praise
We're living for your glory Lord

I've been awake for a while now
you've got me feeling like a child now
cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

It starts in my toes
and I crinkle my nose
where ever it goes I always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

The rain is falling on my window pane
but we are hiding in a safer place
under the covers staying dry and warm
you give me feelings that I adore

What am I gonna say
when you make me feel this way
I just........mmm

I've been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feeling shows
Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holding me tight

Where ever, where ever, where ever you go
Where ever, where ever, where ever you go…
- Colbie Caillat "Bubbly"


will you count me in?

Her feelings she hides

Her dreams she can't find

She's losing her mind

She's fallen behind

She can't find her place

She's losing her faith

She's fallen from grace

She's all over the place

With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes

Broken inside

I know how emo this sounds. But thats all I am feeling. Won't the devil just leave me alone. I am screwed up enough. I want You. Where are You?! What do You mean when You say, "I'm right here"?

All the nights I've cried myself to sleep
Where were you?
What happened to all your "encouraging words"?
Well... I have no idea why I am making such a fuss
when I am supposed to be used to your EMPTY TALKS.

Quiet nights 'n quiet stars, quiet chords from my guitar
Floating on the silence that surrounds us
Quiet thoughts 'n quiet dreams, quiet walks by quiet streams
Climbing hills where lovers go to watch the world below together

We will live eternally in this mood of reverie
Away . . . from all the earthly cares around us
My world was dull each minute until I found you in it
And all at once the happiness I knew,
Became these quiet nights of loving you


Things I am going to do straight after Os:
Sleep for 24hours
GET A LIFE!!!
Get a haircut
SHOP!
GO TO BORDERS AND GRAB TONS OF BOOKS!
Watch HEROES, VERONICA MARS, GOSSIP GIRL, WIZARD OF WAVERLY PLACE!
Watch TONS of movies in theatres
Skate
Work out
Get a job
GO CRAZY AND FREE!

HONESTLY! O levels is sucking the life out of me. I am like a loner in this world now. GOD WHY! Gloria and I were just talking about our education system, it freaking sucks. In places like Australia, they can get like lousy grades and get into collage and university, and yet their universities are more regconised than ours. So whats the point of us studying so hard. Our MOE is trying to kill us. If only I wasn't born here. Screw this! Life...


Why is everyone looking for love?
Because it's the closest thing to magic.
And why exactly do we need magic?
Because it feels good to have it.


GOD, DO THE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME! THIS IS SOOOO.... tiring.

I am so drained, so tired, so sleepy, feel like crying out loud, shouting out loud, screaming out loud, dying quietly. But all these can wait.

2 Cor 4:16
Therefore we do not lose heart.
Even though our outward man is perishing,
yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.

I am over my trauma (thanks, to you-s), but... I still need a hug.

Funeral For A Friend is my new obsession, and ONTD is catching up to that.
Youtub-ing is staying where it is. (Honestly, I have to say this. Gossip Girl is getting juicer, and I dislike CW for cancelling the Season 4 of Veronica Mars.)
And God is still the first place. Thank God.

If you have to let it go, walk away.
but my feet is stuck to the ground?

I BLOODY HATE MYSELF
I SUCK
I AM SUCH A LOSER

and no one can disagree.

GOD! I don't want to feel this way. I know how I sound. Saying and confessing all these things. But... URGH! Hate myself. Why is it so that everyone seems to be able to get the points they need to get into the course they want, even if they don't study much like me. WHY?! Probably its just this way. NO I CAN'T THINK THAT WAY! I don't want to waste another year in Secondary school. Oh gosh. I hate this battle in my mind. GET LOST! URGHHHH!
I need a hug.

SCREW THIS!! I am feeling soooo stress for NOT feeling stress and worried for tomorrow's paper! Someone save me please.

Shopping List
(Singapore)
black shorts
black pumps
black/white flats
new denim shorts
new skirt
NEW TOPS (DESPERATE!)
new bag
new pair of jeans
new wallet
dress + clutch + heels

(Hong Kong)
leather jacket
leather boots
more bags
handbag
shades
skirts (if possible)
TOPS
jeans
heels
scarfs
clutch


Honestly, I feel so out of love, out of this world, out of everything that is going on. Much like a loner soon. Everything is moving on without me. Maybe I am really not that needed afterall. I know how emo I sound. Just that, there are times where you come to a point, to realise what's your value, and its equivalent to zero, you find no need to do your best anymore. Feel like crying so much, had been keeping my tears for so long. Just 2 more weeks, I can lose control of all my emotions, and let go. So tired of throwing back all my feelings, and hold it inside. God, why do I find myself feeling so alone nowadays. Well... At least now I see who truly cares for me. Instead of all those, "say-ers". I don't mean to say this, but seriously, I dislike people who just kept on saying how much he cares, and shows no sign of concern AT ALL. You're just wasting your time and mine.

God, won't you look at this little faith I have, and make things possible.


"And the waiting is the hardest thing to take.
If you have to let it go, walk away."
Since I've lost you, I'm tired of waiting.
I'll walk away...

First of all, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to myself. Haha. My sweet sixteen was er... alright. I mean what can I expect, with all the stress I am taking now. Well, just want to thank God for these wonderful 16 years of my life, and I am still here, alive and kicking. In the fullness of His grace, I am able to be here. Looking back at the past 16 years, all the ups and downs, I would say it wasn't easy going through those obstacles, but He lifted me up. His love so great, that filled the gap in my heart. Whatever it is, this will be the brand new start of my new year, believe that it will get alot better. A year older, a year more mature, I hope I will be.
Ecc 7:10
Do not say,
“ Why were the former days better than these?”
For you do not inquire wisely concerning this.

These few days had just been so tough, so stress, so depressed. There are times when I just think I am such a failure, I can never do things right. And I'd tell myself it's so true. Just felt like saying, "SCREW THIS! I am going to runaway. (And don't you dare act like you care.)" But... I don't know. I just know, no matter how much I feel like crying now, I can't, I simply can't.
I just know...

I search for You

God of strength

I bow to You

In my brokenness

No other king could have so humbly come

To save my soul

And heal my heart

My cares released

In Your freedom I will live

In Your freedom I will live

I offer devotion

I offer devotion

This video touched my heart deeply. It's such an amazing and mind-blowing skit. DO WATCH IT!

GOODNESS! I had been so busy and tired, I totally forgot my birthday is this week, till my cg celebrated for me on saturday. They got me a pair of silver pumps, which was on my shopping list. Haha. It's just so weird. Cause I wanted to get it myself when I go out this week. But since they got it for me.. HAHA! Nikki was like, "I saw it on your blog that you wanted it, so I got you that". Then I told her, "Why didn't you choose the Ed Hardy one?! It's on the list too!" HAHA! Honestly, I can't wait till I buy everything on the list. But all of it are expensive stuff, especially, iPod. Sigh. (And this is HONESTLY not a way to *hint* for presents. I PROMISE.)


give me love when the day comes.

Have been watching Gossip Girl on youtube. Well... I was just about to finish watching Episode 2, then youtube starts giving problems. How annoying can this get. By the way, it's a really really great show. If you can, catch it.

Red bull? Coffee? Or just love?

I am so bored, and since I haven't been making a shopping list in a LONG time (though no one believes), I am going to make one now.

SHOPPING LIST
Long Black Cardigan
ED HARDY Top! (not Tee-shirt)
New Pair of Jeans
New iPod Nano (black/red)
Silver pumps
Bedroom slippers from Topshop

Dress + Clutch + maybe Heels (SPONSORED)


DONE!
Off to study! (URGH)

"You don't know me, you don't even care"
Oh yeah, she said.

Oh man.
My mind is clotted up.
I can't even study more.
My back is aching.
My flu is killing me.
I am hungry.
I found out I can't study after 3am.
Too much of Macdonals make me bloated.
I cannot listen to dance music when I am studying, I'll have the urge to stand up and dance.
Never, NEVER, believe any word you said EVER again!
You never really cared.
Disappointed and feeling dumb.
24HOURS IS NEVER ENOUGH!

I'm so lost without you.

Wishing on a shooting star
But dreams alone won't get you far
Can't deny your feelings anymore
The world is waiting right outside your door
What are you waiting for?

C'mon here's your chance
Don't let it slip right through your hands
Are you ready?
For the ride of your life
Your dreams are riding on the wind
Just reach out and pull them in
Get ready
For the ride of your life
A ride of your life

In your heart you know what you must do
You only got yourself to answer to
Don't let fear of falling hold you down
Your spirit's flying high above the clouds
You're going there

C'mon here's your chance
Don't let it slip right through your hands
Are you ready?
For the ride of your life
Your dreams are riding on the wind
Just reach out and pull them in
Get ready for the ride of your life

You're on your way no looking back
And there's no future living in the past
You're free at last
You're free at last
- John Gregory "The Ride Of Your Life"



I think I need a sunrise
I'm tired of a sunset
Here it's nice in the summer
Some snow would be nice, oh yeah...

I don't know why, but I just felt like saying....

I love You, I love You, I love You, I love You, I love You, I love You, I love You, I love You, I love You, I love You, I love You, I love You, I love You soooooo much!

Haha.

I just want to clarify somethings here. I know a few of you might have seen those "tags". Personally I felt angry and sad, but I am fine now. Cause I know who I am, I know where I stand in God. If those taggers really think that I am being such a b****, why don't they come up to me personally and rebuke me, and why do they have to put fake names, and act as though they are trying to hide something when they are so sure that I am supposed to be the one that is wrong? So I really don't care about what others say anymore, I just have too much in my mind, I got to set my piorities right, and that is definatly the last in my list. If I insist on tracking that person down, since I've got their i.p. addresses and to be angry and cry about it, I will be wasting so much time. Plus, there are not worth my time. I know I can be mean sometimes, but not to the extend of being a you-know.



I know I posted this song before, well... it's appropriate to use it again. I can soo relate.

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big the other time is like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole
Why you sitting around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
And time's flying by
Moving so fast
You'd better make it count
Coz you can't get it back

Coz Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever is in your hands
When you figured out love is all that matters afterall
It sure makes everything else seems so small

"Keep my eyes ahead I'm gonna drive"

A simple prayer...

I just want to love You more.

There is just so much I want to write here, so much I wish I could say. But I know this is not the right place.
I tell myself, if I do really badly for my prelims, I won't cry, I won't regret. Cause I know it's all my fault, and the only thing I'll do is, blame myself.
Sometimes when people come and tell me things, and I know they meant well, but I wish I could tell them, honestly, this is not what I need right now, so can you just don't say anything. Sometimes I also wonder, how can people be so insensitive.

in the end just to hear You say "Well Done"
brings me so much pressure.
I wish I can just cry. Am I very silly?

I am so screwed. I feel like killing myself (not physically, of course).
I decided I am not going to sleep from today onwards till friday. Just going to stay up the whole night to study. Also, I am going to cut down on food, it just makes me too tired to study.


In the end just to hear You say "Well Done"
is the only reason why I am not giving up, moving on.

What's the first thing I'd say when I see Him?
I'm sorry.

Part 1 of Nata-De-Coco!



Part 2 of Nata-De-Coco


The 3 girls that ALWAYS stick together


After the sunshine, after the craze, we gather back together our love.







My younger sisters-in-Christ. They never fail to bring me so much joy.

Cam-whoring in the toilet @ VIVO

Pouts!

RED BUTTOCKS ALERT!

When life gets a little dull, they bring me the joy to live on.

Trying so hard to have the perfect jump.

LOOK CAREFULLY & you can see Aaron's 'spirit'. HAHA!

And now... lying on our stomachs. Still cam-whoring!

GJ & I with Nikki squeezing into the photo.

Lucas!!

Nikki's & my face are half-glowing.

Let me introduce you to the... 2008 MANHUNT - AARON! HAHAHA!

Diana aka Betty Boob!

This was supposedly to be Cicil & I, but it doesn't look that way though. Cause there are definatly more than 2 head there.

The LADIES first.

There comes the GUYS.

Together we'll have... e316!

I LOVE our cg! For once, I truly mean it.

I had never had sooo much fun for such a long time. Thank you guys for all the things we did together tonight. Ting Huan, Ting Jia, Alicia, Ting Fang, you guys were just amazing! And of course, the cell group, for all the joy and 'catching' we did today. Haha. Everything was just awesome. Love you people!

With addition to my previous post, "I believe things are going to change, not in the good way," BUT GOD will turn it around again. That's what I love about God, even when you felt that you were in the most messed up situation and nothing could be done, and in just 24hours, things just couldn't get any better. I am smiling from ear to ear, even though I COMPLETELY SCREWED UP MY PRACTICAL! BUT GOD... (haha)


How did I get here, I turned around
And there you were
I didn't think twice or rationalize
Cause somehow I knew
That there was more than just chemistry
I mean I knew you were kind of into me
But I figured it's too
Good to be true

I said pinch me where's the catch this time
Can't find a single cloud in the sky
Help me before I get used to this guy

They say that good things take time
But really great things happen in the blink of an eye
Thought the chances to meet somebody like you were a million to one
I can't believe it,
You're one in a million

All this time I was looking for love
Trying to make things work
They weren't good enough
Till I thought I'm through
Said I'm done
Then stumbled into the arms of the one

You're making me laugh about the silliest stuff
Say that I'm your diamond in the rough
When I'm mad at you
You come with your velvet touch

Can't believe that I'm so lucky
I have never felt so happy
Every time I see that sparkle in your eyes

They say that good things take time
But really great things happen in the blink of an eye
Thought the chances to meet somebody like you were a million to one
I can't believe it,
You're one in a million
-Miley Cyrus "One In A Million"

Where's my one in a million?

I believe things are going to change. I don't wish to see it change.
I'm feeling depressed.

I had never believed in loneliness, but now, I truly do.

I just watched "Evan Almighty" online. It's SUPER NICE & FUNNY! You guys just got to catch it when it's out. But for "Hairspray", it's not that nice, quite boring actually. "Rush Hour 3" IS REALLY NICE TOO! If only I can eatch movies all the time. Too bad it's my O levels year, sigh.

Sort of dread going but yet looking forward to today. Mixed up feelings, a confused mind, weird face expression = adnormal me. There are so many things in my mind, so many words I wish I could say, but I don't know how to express it. I don't even know whether I can speak now. After all the experiances I had, I just wish, you would become a better listerner and a more understanding person.

God, help me, help her, help him.

I AM SO TEMPTED! By all those cupcakes after reading the september issue of "Seventeen"! I am so going to buy them, but I wouldn't bear to eat it. They are just soooo lovely.

So, I wondered what happened to free will? What happened to freedom in speech? Maybe people should accept the truth, and change for the better. But if they think it's already good enough, and there is nothing else left to be changed, thus there is no space left for comments, then, I've got nothing to say.

I've got this feeling that I'll go back to "How To Save A Life" very soon. But now, I know I would prefer the space in between us, cause I know things wouldn't change. Maybe it's the best way to leave it as it is. But I am so moving on, even if people think I am wrong. So now, I need to ask God whether what I did was really wrong or not.

By the way, I so hate the way you can put 2 extreme emotions and extreme issues together, and made my emotions dropped from the heaven to Earth.

Shut you mouth I just can't take it, again, and again, and again, and again!

question of the day: to perm or not to perm

Although it was already 1.30am, even as I just got up tobed, I can't sleep. Songs of worship just kept on playing in my mind, making me tear. I know His presense is in the room right then. I couldn't help but to get up and just start worshipping. Without music, without lyrics, words just came out of my mouth and made a tune by itself. I can't remember that I sang too, but there's this line ' It's in You that I can find who I truly am, it's in Your presense where I belong". All I know is that something had broken in me. Spirit of thanksgiving for all His grace through all these years.

God, I love You.

OH-MY-GOSH! OH. MY. GOSH. I CAN'T BLOODY BELIEVE IT! I GOT A BLIMEY A1 FOR MY CHINESE O LEVELS WITH A DISTINCTION FOR ORAL! I went to show off to Foo Foo, cause she always say, "Chui min ah! You are the one I worried for the most in this class, you don't be the one who drag the class down k." Because I always don't listen in class, don't do homework, don't bother to study, and yet, I got AN A1!!! Haha. I am soooo happy! Before I went up to check my results, I already cried, I was so worried I'll get an A2, I will just die if I got an A2. After I saw the (1) on the paper, I SCREAMED LIKE MAD! I COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EYES MAN! Tears just started flowing down and I know it's tears of relieved and joy. Oh thank God. Although I feel very guilty, 'cause I only study the day before the exmas, and I didn't study much except the format for compos. But I guess, I get what I had been wishing for. Thank God once again!

NOT JUST THAT! AND AND AND, FOR MY ENGLISH O LEVELS ORAL TODAY, THE EXAMINER SAID, "OH THAT WAS VERY GOOD!" VERY GOOD? VERY.... GOOD?!!! OH MY GOODNESS! I CAN'T BELIEVE MY EARS! VERY GOOD! OMG IT'S A VERY GOOD! I was so worried cause I was too nervous, and spoke too fast. Plus for the last question they asked for the conversation, I was babbling nonsense and went out of point. But before I left, she said all was very good. OMG VERY GOOD! HAHA! GOSH!

Today is a yellow, yellow, yellow, lowlowlow YELLOW DAY! I am so freaking blimey HAPPY! God, I don't know what else I can say to express this heart of thanksgiving I have towards You. All these GREAT blessing I have, it's due to Your grace and love. It can last me forever. God, thank You soooo much!

Everything, seems so much easier now. I feel so relieved. It feels like everything has just fall in place for me, that nothing can go wrong with Him in my life. I am SO HAPPY today! I am probably the happiest girl in the world! Haha. I know it's kind of exaggerating but ya. YEAHHHHH!


God of my forever.

Apologies, glances and messed up chances.

Today was just simply mind-blowing! Dr. A.R. Bernard's message has revived my passion and love, also my dream and calling. I will never forget this - "Spiritual discipline is my responsibility, and I am the one that got to keep it going" and "it's my character that keep me where I am and dtermines who I am". I just felt so relieved but also, a burden in my heart, to make things happen. I want to go back to my God of my youth once again, I had gone astry for too long.

Perhaps, this is the way it's meant to be. Perhaps there is nothing we can do about it. You always say you want to do this and that, but after all those empty promises you made to me. I learnt something. There's this habit I obtained - whatever you say, I will just listen and not take it to heart, or even make a point to remember it. I mean what's the point, you won't even bother to fulfil it. I wonder what happened to "My word is my bond".

I am going to start studying. I really mean I will start studying. I am left with less than a month to prelims. Oh man I am really scared but I... I GOT TO START STUDYING! It just seems that I got so many things to do, when I don't. This really sucks. I want that worship song we sang in service today. And I think I am going to cut my hair again. Wish me all the best.

God of my youth I remember

Your call on my life took me o'er

Your love has seen me through all my days

I stand here by Your grace

On this altar I've written my life

Tells of a story I have with You my Lord

I want the world to know

God of my forever

And forever I'm with You

My life is saved with a price

Your sacrifice redeemed my soul

God of my forever

And forever I will sing

My greatest honor will always be

To serve my Lord and King

God of my all I've surrendered

My heart finds its rest in Your word

Praises will not be enough to show

How my love for You has grown

Nothing matters when You're here with me

In the end just to hear You say "Well done"

Bowing before Your throne

Forever and ever

Jesus You alone in glory reign

Forever and ever

With You I walk this narrow way

-God Of My Forever

The presence of God was just so overwhelming even as I started worshipping. This song reminds me of the first day when I get to know Him. All I wanted was to get to know Him, walk with Him all my days. I miss His love, it's His grace that had brought me through all these years. I will never be who I am now, without all His mercy. Thank You Lord. It's Him who had brought me this far, yet, I had done nothing to prove my love for Him. I am guilty for that. I want to change, to be more like You. I make sure I will do my best to.

"When the world pushes you to your knees, you're in perfect position to pray."

I was blogs-surfing. And I saw this on one of my friend's blog, which had really enlightened me in some way. So ya, hope it has the same effect on you.

love,

swee

I haven't been updating since like... I don't know when. I think I wouldn't be here much anymore, cause I've been keeping a diary; which is alot better. Depends on my mood then, I still want to keep this alive. So, stay tuned? Haha.



What you got if you ain't got love
The kind that you just wanna give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through

I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

Coz sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big the other time is like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole
Why you sitting around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
And time's flying by
Moving so fast
You'd better make it count
Coz you can't get it back

Coz sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else seem so small
-Carrie Underwood "So Small"

Oh this week had just been so supernatural. I feel so, refreshed and clean! It's as though all my burdens are all gone, I know the problems are still there, but, it's different now. 'Cause I'm not walking on this journey alone, I feel so light, so free. Thank you Lord. All the praise belongs to you. I just can't stop smiling. I know there are still so many troubles and stress coming along, but I believe all things can be done in Your name. I LOVE YOU LIKE NEVER BEFORE. I feel so loved. =)


Maybe... One day... Who knows?! I will never limit my dreams.



It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
'Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star that's coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled you made me
Feel like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
Once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star just don't come true
'Cause now, even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
'Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe that I could be so blind
It's like you were floating while I was falling
And I didn't mind

'Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you
-Vanessa Anne Hudgens "When There Was Me And You"

Oh man! I don't want to believe that this is the last book of Harry Potter. After I finished this book, it feels as though there are nothing else I can read. It's one of the best books I had ever read. I used to wonder how can people read these ultra-thick books. Yet, I complete all 7 books in around 2 weeks time. And now, all I can do is to re-read and re-read all the 7 books again, and only left with the movies to look forward to. But afterall, there's only 2 more left. How much sadder can this be. I think I will just have to go back to those sweet romance book after these. Can't wait to get hold of the other 6 books (that's when I start saving money).




There are times when I tell myself not to believe you
the words, the things, you do
Telling myself you're just trying to be nice
trying to make up for what you'd done
what you'd broken

I fear I can't take it
cause I can feel my heart being soften
But another part of me
doesn't want to give in
The wall of protection against hurt, is built

Tell me I'm wrong
Tell me it's true
Let the guessing game stop
and bring me back to the dream
where there's just you and me.


such a long way back, from this place we arrived,
when I think of all the time I've wasted, I could cry...

35 MORE DAYS TO PRELIM PRACTICALS!
38 TO ENGLISH PRELIMS!
52 MORE TO START OF PRELIMS WRITTEN PAPERS!

14 MORE WEEKS TO O LEVELS!



Just finished reading all Harry Potter books; not including the last one, of course, and I cried when Sirius and Dumbledore died. It's just so... depressing. I can't wait for the 7th book to be out. Then I promised to save up all the money and wait till September when the whole set of books are out, then I will buy them.

I have no idea what got into me nowadays. Haven't been really me. Just that, some things had been missing. But I know it will come back, what belongs to me will be mine forever. Although I have no idea what I am talking about to, but I guess He understands. =)



it's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry.

Honestly, today is such a sucky day.
My book got confiscated cause I was reading it during assembly, and whose fault is that that the assembly was too boring for anyone to listen to.
Then I was called out cause the prefects weren't not doing a very good job of keeping track of things and said I haven't complete my DC.
Therefore causing me to leave school late.
And Foo Foo REFUSED to return me my Harry Potter book.
Now I got to spend $10 to go and borrow 1 copy to read for the rest of my day. Then tomorrow get back my copy then returned this one. WASTE MY MONEY! Sigh...
I FEEL SOOOO LOST WITHOUT MY BOOK!!!
She better returned my book back tomorrow.





Did I ever do anything that was this cruel to you
Did I ever made you wonder who was standing in the room
You made yourself perfect in everyway
So when this goes down
I'll be the one who'd be blamed
Your plan is working so you could just walked away

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BELOVED NEPHEW, FANG SHENG!

AND BELATED TO MY DEAREST STEPHANIE & UNCLE!

oh and MAX TOO!!!



say love to ballons and cheesecake!
my favourite at ALL times.

will post some photos soon. stay tuned. =)



just one smile and everything will be alright.

how do you always have an opinion
and how do you always find the best way to compromise
we don't need to have a reason
we don't need anything
we're just wasting time


1) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoniex - the movie was disappointing. But I can't totally blame them, cause the fifth book is just too thick and too much details for them to fit almost everything in. I was actually planning to watch it 3 times, but now... maybe not. The book is ALOT better, so people out there who haven't read them, grab hold of it now! I am planning to get the whole set of it, instead of always borrowing here and there. So... people you can bless me! =)

2) Sometimes when you messaged me, I just don't feel like replying, cause I know that you won't reply, so what's the point of letting you know. Now I learn not to just look at your negative side, but wonder maybe you have positive motives, and let it go. Can you see, I am trying very hard here to accept you once again. Just appreciate the effort will you?

3) Hey girl, everything will be alright. It's just for these few days, it will all turned back to normal and how it used to be soon. No matter what, I'll stand by you. =) Take care!

4) I am still in a state of confusion. What happened to all the "speech" you made about not having a boyfriend? But anyway... I have to admit. You made me have the urge to have one too. But... not that that will make any difference. I will get over that very soon. Haha.

5) There are like 4 Major, 2 Minor birthdays this week. And it's ALL money-eating, time-consuming for me. I don't even have a day free. Can't wait for my nephew's birthday buffet dinner, and marina south steamboat! And of course, dinner @ FOSTERS! How can I not say love to the steak there. Haha.

6) I know I can trust You to lift me up again. Everything will just come in and fill the space if I'm willing to take the first step. Love & accpetance always work together.

7) Seriously speaking, my tuition is not getting anywhere. SOMEONE SAVE ME!

8) Last but not least... MY CONVERSE SHOES ROCKS MY SOCKS! It's funky on the ground yo!


it's all on you, there's always a brand new day.

From today on, this will be the brand new page of my life.


Find yourself, cause I can't find you
Be yourself, who are you?
Find yourself, cause I can't find you
Be yourself, who are you?

So you go and make it happen
Do your best just keep on laughing
It's all on you, there's always a brand new day

I think there's something more, life's worth living for
Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day


the brand new, ME.

You & Me - Lifehouse

What day is it

And in what month

This clock never seemed so alive

I can't keep up and I can't back down

I've been losing so much time

I got through this happily with You. =)

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I HATE LIFE!!!! I don't hate my family(maybe just DAMN MY SISTER!). I hate myself for being such a loser.

life is chocking me and I can hardly breathe,
someone save me from this mess...

Maybe... I should just get used to life.
So what if parts of me don't want to live life this way.
I can't do anything to change it.
Afterall, I am too tired to make changes that always don't work out.


runaway.

I, SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY! HATE HATE HATE EMPTY PROMISES!
JUST SHUT UP IF YOU THINK YOU CAN'T MAKE IT FOR SOMETHING, OR YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO DO IT. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE IT, YET YOU ALWAYS DO IT! TOLD YOU A THOUSAND TIMES NOT TO TELL ME YOU WANT TO DO THIS OR THAT, KNOWING FOR ABOUT 70% YOU WON'T DO IT AFTERALL. WHY ARE ALL MY FRIENDS LIKE THAT?! NOT JUST ONE, BUT TWO! IT'S ALL ENOUGH TO KILL ME.


Seen a doctor. He said all the stress I have made me have gastric. (Then in the room, sitting on that chair, I wonder to myself, what stress do I have? Suddenly, all those things that was bothering me the past few days came to my mind. Maybe it was those things.)
And then now, I had to handle all the empty promises again. I am just too tired to take in all these again. Okay, I might be unreasonable, but still.. if one knows he/she can't make it for something, DON'T FREAKING TELL ME "OH I MOST PROBABLY WILL". Then when I ask them whether can go or not, they come telling me, "don't know", "probably", knowing they cannot make it, why not just bloody tell me it's a no. By saying NO to me is it that difficult?! At least let me know, instead of leaving me hanging there, waiting for your fishing answer.

Don't you make me promises, you never did know how to keep them well.

YOUTH DAY!!!

went to church
during fellowship, saw the tings, I updated them with the happenings in E316 and "JANE"!
HAHAHAHAHA
went to Escape after service with JJ&CHUNKIAT
thank God there was no rainorsun :)
3rides was under maintainance (MYPIRATESHIP!)
therefore... we got ourselves 1 complimentary ticket EACH!
go-cart was SUPER UBER FUN!
1st time I overtook this woman (not very impressing I know)
2nd time(we queued up AGAIN), I overtook 4 people(including JJ, HEHE), and got 2nd!
my car was SUPER fast, I ROCK!
The Inverter wasn't even scary, it was BORRRING.
but it was funny too, cause the guys were complaining about....*
then we went into the haunted house, I didn't even see a thing
my eyes were shut-tight the WHOLE journey!
haha.
JP&YY came to meet us for dinner
we ate at macs since not everyone was feeling rich that day
it was SOOOOO HILIRIOUS! (yy really should stop laughing, HAHA)
went outside to sit on the grass patch and slack
the stars was super nice that day
headed for the arcade (guysss~)
I totally suck in the Mario race
walked to pasir ris interchange
hit the pasa malam
Bought a glass-bottle of sprit (how cool is that?!)
then we headed HOME!
my bed!


MONDAY-HOLIDAY (wheeeeee~)
woke up at like 11pm
met Russel up @ my house bus-stop
went Siglap-Gelare to study
madness-alert!
and this crazy cow kept on asking for mee-pok
went back at 4pm to put out stuff down
met JJ&him at Bugis
bought a bag I'm not really fond of
(I have a strong feeling I will go back and get the bag I wanted)
show the price of the converse shoes I want -$75.50
it will come in mid-July (YEEEPEEEE~)
I need a pair of shoes to dance badly
went to SeoulGarden to eat
super funny
we made our own float
and Russel made me chocked!
went home


Tuesday
overslept so I didn't go to school
went for tuition at 6.30pm
tuition was super funny
Shaun and what-was-his-name were so distracting
my headache was too painful for me to concentrate though
went to eat at PS after that
stupid macdonals don't give large fries when you upsize from student already
and stupid 7% GST charge
took 36 home
in the bus, I felt like puking
then I kept telling God "wait till I go home then puke" (HAHA how dumb)
in the end I couldn't control anymore
I stopped outside my sister's school and puke (GROSS!)
wasted my macdonals' money
took a cab home


And now I am home resting. Will be studying later.
I know I seldom put up my itinerary up in my blog. But nowadays I put it up, casue I want to remember those days with good memories and fun. Sooo.... ya.

What's your definition of friends?

Friends are people who know at least something about your life right?

Then I came to relised,

You know nothing, NOTHING about my life,

about me.

Except the things that I need

What a "GREAT" friend you are

I start to dread the days I get to see you.

Afterall, I couldn't let go.

when you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you.

all I ever wanted was for you to know,

everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul.

If only I was someone else.
If only...

This is a passage from the book I'm reading currently.

"In Boheme, Rodolfo loved Mimi. He was happy to hold her cold little hand, to light her candle, and stand in the dark, watching it flicker. Are there any guys like that in real life? Or is that why in the best opreas, someone dies in the end? Because if they lived, they'd figure out that it's not for real."

Maybe I really should consider to stop watching so much movies and reading too much books, it just makes my mind go to the "far far away" more often. When will my life be like those girl in "Dashwood" or "What A Girl Wants", my life is just dull, dull.... BORING!!


It's a gray day. Grayday, grayday, grayday... the kind of day when you just feel sad even if you're happy. My life is just around all these normal things normal people do and have those normal worries.

1. Family, Meaning MUM! (I really wish I can write this down in here, maybe I should really consider making my blog private, only close friends like Gloria and Nikki, etc. will know)
2. "that" thing (only Gloria & JJ know)
3. Love life (which totally sucks, but I don't care about it now)
4. O levels
5. Church (not that this is boring but, okay I admit, maybe mine is. *not meaning my spiritual life but the erm... group)
6. Money (really broke)
7. And just simply... life.

Maybe I could get used to this. But part of me don't wanna continue to live this kind of borrring life.


My chinese O level Oral today! Pardon me for the words I use. I freaking screwed up! The question is so fishing difficult and I promised, it's the most difficult oral EVER! Like what is there to say! I am so screwed. Die now! Foo Foo is so gonna slap my ass on Tuesday. Purrrfect. Way survive man. I am in need of cheese cake NOW!

Movies I wanna catch:
Nancy Drew
Surf's Up
Harry Potter & The Order Of The Phoenix (Like DUH! Who won't wanna catch it."


Listening to : Runaway - Avril Lavigne
I can sooooo relate.

When I woke up from my sleep, I thought of that incident again, I just started weeping. I cried and cried and cried. My whole pillow was soaked in tears.
I'm sorry. God I'm sorry.
Afterall, I still ran back to You. I always thought I can do this alone, I can go through all this alone, but it's just so tough.
I'm so broken.
Won't you save me from this broken world? Be my saviour.


Falling at Your feet, as my whole world fades away...

Some photos taken once upon a time ago. Haha.



JJ's BIRTHDAY! Happy 17!


His mum THE GREAT COOK!


Say cheese!


Jessica & the Jessica-look-alike. HAHA.


Craziness @ my place.


The BIGGEST mee goreng I ever ate.


DUNKIN' DONUTS!!! THE BEST DONUTS EVER!


This man here ^ brought SIX BOXES back all the way from Thailand for us! I am soooo touched. Thank you Chun Kiat! YOU GO MAN!


YUMMY YUM YUM!


The HK Cafe people kept on discussing about it.







Jessica, JJ & JP.
Thanks for all the times we had spent together. I don't know when we will ever had such a crazy time together again. This had been my BEST June holidas EVER! You guys made it happen. All the crazy and exaggerating things we do, all the sacrifices we made for each other, the blessings among us, the SOs, the movie marathons, those pirat-y times we have, those shopping spree we go for, the secrets and gossips we shared, those days when we go broke together, Oh and the beach of course and BFD! hehe. (The food was really good huh). Anyway... There's just so much we did together. All these times we spent, I will just miss it so much when school reopens. I really treasure all of you. Hope that we will still keep in touch.

This song "A Moment Like This", is for you all.

What if I told you it was all meant to be?
Would you believe me?
Would you agree?
It's almost that feeling that we've met before
so tell me that you don't think I'm crazy
when I tell you love has come here and now.
A moment like this.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this
Some people search forever for that one special kiss.
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.
Everything changes but beauty remains.
Something so tender; I can't explain.
I may be dreaming but until I awake can't we make this dream last forever?
And I'll cherish all the love we share.
Could this be the greatest love of all?
I wanna know that you will catch me when I fall.
So let me tell you this...
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.

Okay maybe not the kissing part. Haha. But still... Hugs and kisses to you 3. You people made my laughter be heard, made my smile be seen. Once again, thanks. The greatest friends.

With all the love,
Swee




New Shopping List HERE!

w.Converse Shoes (Sailor's Collection) - Waiting for it to be out in the market - $60 ~ $100
w.Tinkerbell Necklace @ Online Shop - $22
1.Handphone Pouch - $7.90
2.Dior Addict Lipgloss - $35
w.Burberry Summer Perfume - Waiting for my cousin to get it from the supplier - ~$70
1.Notebook @ Topshop from FarEast - $20 (my current organiser has that silver fish thing *is that what you called it?* which is really gross. So I NEED a new (nice) one)
2.Small Make-up Bag
Loreal / U- Nuco Blusher (MAYBE. Usually I buy make-ups and don't use them. Can't stand wearing it.)
w.Bag from Mooks - Waiting for money to drop from the sky - $129
3.Black Bra

1 , 2 & 3 - the importance of it
w - waiting

Oh God! What have I done?! I'm just lost of words to lie

A day that made my life screwed. I feel dead. So dead. to myself.

Won't the stars ever show
the way to you
Can't you tell me
how you feel about this

Your absense
had been such a torture to me
Your care
makes me wonder

Every other second
I would daydream what it feels like
just to walk beside you
And I would smile to myself

Crash
What a word to use
to describe mature people falling
head over heels for just 7 days



Just the sudden urge to write something after so long. Sounds sooo chessy, don't you think so?

Hey peeps. I would like to clarify some stuff here. In my second last post I said "*There are alot of things I want to put in here. But I know I just can't." I was talking about my feelings and emotions. Not events or things if that's what "some people" might be thinking. And I feel intimidated. Cause suddenly there are a number of people reading my blog when I didn't even gave them my link. I am fine with you all reading, but there's a reason why I don't give you my link, and somehow you find out, I would greatly appreciate it if you all don't come and tell me this and that about my life. As there's a reason why only my close friends or people I trust knows my blog through me myself, cause their advices and encouragement will help alot more. Sorry if you find that I am being mean or too strict here.

I am sorry for not updating for so long again. I am just going to put down what I did for these past few days. Those nice and emotions-filled post will be seen once again when school reopens cause I will have ALOT more time.

Thursday /14 June
Met Jessica in bus 36
Meet JP, YY & Roger at Orchard MRT
Headed to Far East to get JP's $55 belt (burnt a hole in my pocket, but he said he will pay some for my shoes. :] )
Tried a Vest at the stall at Level 1 (maybe I'm getting it)
Went upstairs to collect my Hollister top
Changed
Wyelin came to find us
So did Adrian
All of us went to shop
Bought a hairband (again!)
Jessica went to look for her friends while the rest of us went to eat chicken rice
After she came back, we went off to heeren
Bought chocolates for JJ's mum, Heeren's vouchers for JJ's belated birthday present
YY & Roger went off while the rest of us went to JJ's new house
Took stupid 16 (Bus 36's people has so much more class and manners than Bus 16 people. No offence.)
Waited for JJ at his house downstairs
Went to Kallang KFC to eat
Had alot of fun talking and joking
Went back to his house
Slacked
Adrian and Wyelin went back after that
JP, Jessica & JJ came over to my house
Watched Pirates of the Caribbean Part 1
*

Friday /15 June
Woke up at like 12pm
Jessica, JP & JJ came over my house
We ate lunch.
Then they set off for their respective cgm, while I just stayed home and slack

Saturday / 16 June
Woke up at around 11am
Supposed to meet JJ at Heeren at 12pm
But in the end I reached at 12,30pm
But he wasn't even there yet
So I went to the Graffiti Cafe to eat first
JJ & Jessica reached at 1.30pm
We went off to walk around
They left for service while I left for cgm at 3pm
Saw Cicil at the Orchard MRT station
She fetched me to the bus 7 bus stop cause it was raining super heavily
Saw Diana there
We went off together
Karen drove us to Lucas's place from his bus stop
Picked up Marcus on the way(not exactly on the way)
CGM was fast but good
Cg's fellowship was alright
we went back at around 9pm
Had so much fun in bus 7 with some of them
Changed to bus 36 at Thai Ambassy
Spotted Russel at Dohby Ghaut's stop
He sat with me
I did something dumb which he decided to be nice and keep it as a SECRET!
He went off at the Parkway's stop.
Got home and went online
Slept at around 2am

Sunday /17 June
Woke up at 7am, went back to sleep
8am, went back to sleep
Got up at 9am in a state of shock
Quickly bathe and prepare
Took a cab down for service
Was like 5mins late
Service was good, but I was falling asleep most of the time
Celebrated Edmund's & Jia Hui's birthday
(This pair of great man & woman of God, had impacted and changed my life alot. They made sacrifices and laid down the path for the next generation to walk on, making sure we are always on our right track. All thsoe discipleships just built us stronger and better. Thanks for everything you two had done in all the youth's lives.)
Our cg went off to grab lunch, except NIKKI! AHEM!
Anyway... we had quite a good time together.
Met JJ at 2.45pm, then went off to town
Had a funny and hilirious time, and stupid things JJ did (okay I admit I did some too)
When we reached Cine, we watched the Bboy competition of Singtel or Singnet
Met JP up at Heeren
Saw JJ's friend - Ryan, who is the 1st Beatboxer in Singapore
He is going to perform at the Singapore's Bboy competition that started at 5.30pm
We went to walk around first. Ended up at Billy Bombers slacking.
Had a super great time (as usual, but it's always different.)
Watched the competition again
Till JJ's friend performed
Then Jessica went home first
The 3 of us then went down to take Bus 16 to JJ's house to get his stuff
Then we took 31 to my house
And we watched Shark's Tale, which was super nice and I discovered some things
*

Monday /18 June
Woke up at like 2pm
JP & JJ came over
We went to get lunch at my house downstairs
Borrowed dvds
Ate and watched till around 7pm
Went down to ECP at 8pm
Then went to find my mum at BFD for 5mins
And she said she treat us!
Hehehe. The food was good man.
Played pool in BFD
Jess and I went to the toilet while JJ & JP went to 7-11 to get drink
Walked down to the beach
We walked Jessica home
Then the 3 of us walked back to my house
JJ & JP took their stuff and cabbed home

Tuesday/ 19 June
Woke up at 10am, 11am, 12pm, 1pm and went back to sleep
Got up at 2pm (which was the time JJ, JP, Jessica & I supposed to meet at Parkway)
In the end I met them at the bus stop at 2.40pm
But I wasn't the only one that was late
We went to eat at MOS
Miss the food there, think it's really nice
Made our way down to ECP to find our cluster
Played and slacked there till around 8pm
Walked down to Lagoon to eat
We joked so much that I laughed my head off
Oh and did I mention, I ate a plate of Fried Oysters, 2 BBQ Chicken Wings, Singray & Carrot Cake, and a cup of Sugarcane and Papaya after meal?! (haha I felt like a pig)
Some of them left while the rest of us went down to the beach
Talked about lots of rubbish
Made our mini campfire (haha)
Then some of them left, leaving 6 of us (Wyelin, Jessica, JP, Meagan, JJ & I)
We walked towards the Macs side, met Adrian on the way
Went 7-11 to get 2 bottles of drinks
Walked towards the parkway side to find a space to "sit"
JJ, Jessica & I went home at around 1am
Took a cab
And now I am home typing this that took me super long



I am sooooo into Pirates of the Caribbean now. "Yo ho yo ho. A pirate's life will be." Keira Knightley is super beautiful, according to me. And I loveeee Johnny Depp!
JJ is still begging me to tell him. I won't tell you, no matter what. Savvy?
It's raining so heavily now, that the "fence" is making so much noise. Sigh... Going to sleep soon. Nights peeps.