Grew up in a small town

And when the rain would fall down

I'd just stare out my window

Dreamin' of what could be

And if I'd end up happy I would pray

Trying hard to reach out

But when I tried to speak out

Felt like no one could hear me

Wanted to belong here

But something felt so wrong here

So I pray

I could breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky

And I'll make a wish, take a chance make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the Sun

But I won't forget all the ones that I love

I'll take a risk

take a chance

make a change

And breakaway

Want to feel the warm breeze

Sleep under a palm tree

Feel the rush of the ocean

Get onboard a fast train

Travel on a jet plane

Faraway

And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors

Swinging round revolvin' doors

Maybe I don't know where they'll take me

But gotta keep movin' on

Movin' on

Fly away

Breakaway

I just want to fly to somewhere that I belong. I tried my best to make myself comfortable and get used to the surroundings, but it's not easy, at all. Who ever sees the effort? No one seems to understand. I want to get out of all these, I hate being busy, being put in that spot. I tried, so hard, I'm tired. I don't know what else I can, or need to do, to be able to reach there. Knowing my destiny is one thing, getting to it is another. Wherever it maybe, whenever it will come, I don't really want to know it anymore.

Chances come and go, you might be near but yet far from it. So do people, thinking back of all that took place this whole year. Relationships were built, friendships were forged. Smiles were broke, tears were shed. As I come to wonder, how can people change their faces that fast? I'm amazed by how people treat each other, one moment they are smiling in front of you, next, they're there backstabbing, back-mouthing of all your wrongs. Is that really what you called friends? Those that claimed to be "good/close-friends", have you ever thought that they have their motives or jealousy? I never believed in "BFF". Never. Is it true that if you treat people the way you want to be treated, people will be nicer to you?

As time flies, I am going to turn 16 next year. It just felt like it's the first day I stepped into my new secondary school, and all of a sudden, with a blink of an eye, I've grown up. Trying hard to be mature, but still hesitating about putting down all the childish acts. The things we do, the words we speak, the small little actions we did, it's really funny when you sit and think about them. Just recaping some moments. Nothing much. Maybe just shedding some tears.

I started out as a small innocent child, that was wondering what would life be when I grow up, what were my ambitions, what houses I want to stay in, will there be a pool? All I was handling was just purely joy, but right now, I'm trying hard to fixed back the broken joy. Holding back tears, putting out smiles. I really envy all the children out there, when they want to smile, they smile, when they cry, they cry out loud. They just follow what their hearts say, no need for holding back of tears and putting up of masks. Where had all those days went to? All the miseries in my heart, I've never showed, and somehow, I don't seem to remember. I just realised, how deep I've kept them that I've never shed a tear for that. Guess I've got to start digging them out, to be healthy.

If it's really a passion, will it burn out that easily?

Crying to breakaway.

I'm not sure whether I'm still clinging on to You. But I know, I still love You, You're still the one I need.

In macs again. Blogging.

Bought my sis's, mum's, gloria's, ting fang's present. Still got to buy eliz's and I am done.

I want:
1.Denim Skirt
2.Topshop vouchers(to get the tanktop)
3.Mango vouchers(so I can get that clutch)
4.Long tube
5.Long necklace
6.Bangle
7.Lancome mascara
8.ZA lip gloss
9.NICE Organiser
10.SKIN vouchers(if possible)

I believe God will give me a miracle. :)

I finally got my sleeveless top to replace the long tube that I can't seem to find it anywhere, my huge earrings, a book to hold on to(for at least a week) and a pairs of slippers. I will be getting my topshop tank, bangle and long necklace tomorrow. Finally I've got the things I want! My mummy blessed me with a $50 borders card! Weeeee... I love you mum! Haha. I need more money!!! Need!!!! Want!!! Whatever!!! Can someone bless me with the things I want??? I am sorry for being so thick skin. But... I am just craving for it so so much! It feels like no one can ever be that rich to fulfil my wants, and yes, you didn't see wrongly. It is a want, not a need. Swee Min, when can you stop shopping and buying stuff that are not necessary?! I am sorry, really, but I can't help it. *sigh* Only God has the way.

I really really really want:
Denim skirt (trying to find a nice one)
THAT MANGO CLUTCH!!! ($40+)

The ones that I can-wait but I want badly:
LONG TUBE! (can't find)
Nice Tee
Denim/Cargo shorts (can't find)

I want a long tube! But I have no idea where I can find a nice one! The rain is really making me so sick. My flu has been lasting since what seems like ages. Having a bit of cough too. What a way to end the year man.

THAT MANGO CLUTCH!!! & big bear. :)

I am in Shaw's Macdonals in the early morning sitting here using internet all thanks to... GLORIA CHEW! Make me wake up so early in a rainy, sweet morning to just travel down to use internet. -.- Gloria chew, you better go shopping with me. I brought my laptop. Haha.

Life is getting tougher. With all the things piling up like never before. But yet, I don't feel burdened, I can slack and relax. I want to feel burdened, I want to be burdened. I need something or someone to motivate me.

This few days, I didn't really have the time to really just think, to just sit and think. Everything seems to be moving in a fast forward mode. Sometimes I just felt like a robot, whatever or whoever needs me, I will just do it. I don't even know what am I actually doing. Life is getting more and more meaningless. I know the things I do is meaningful to others, but it might not be what I want to do.

Things and time are moving so fast, I am getting tired. Not physically, just inwardly. I sense a call, saying, "You need to be filled, with something, that can last you longer. You need to be charged up, refreshed." Life is getting long, real long. Although I know that one day I will know what I am going through, what is my true destiny, but when will that one day come?

I am getting tired of what I am doing. Is that how I am suppose to feel in order for me to do my best? Is that what it means by rising up? Is that all? I don't know. I don't have the answer. I felt forced, forced to grow, in an environment that I don't want to be in. I've got so many questions that need an answer to come with it. But I know, all I need is to obey. Does obey = just do it without a reason (at least you don't have to know the reason)? If that's the way, I did it and I still am. If it's not, can I know why is it so unfair? Why can he and I can't? Which way am I not better? I did all I could, all he does is play. Why can't I make a choice? Have you ever asked me whether I want to do it? Have you? I am getting rebellious, not physically and spiritually, but mentally, I am asking myself, "Is it all worth it? IS IT ALL WORTH IT?" Like what lucas said to me before, I know the answers to all my problems, I know the cause of it, I know the solutions to it, but I am just not making it happen. I am in need of grace! Before I get too tired, before I break down, give me the grace I need. NOW or at least soon.

GRACE GRACE GRACE!

I am feeling sooo christmas-y now! Chirstmas carols, ringing the bells, the decorations, gifts, atmosphere, the people, I am just loving it. Although my christmas will be a busy one, but I know I will definatly enjoy it. LOVING CHRISTMAS SEASON! Just quite sad that there is no snow in Singapore.

It's snowing in my own lala land! =)

IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!! Yet, I'm broke to the core! I want money, I need money, I want to get the things I really want!
The "Urgen-er" list... :
Topshop tanktop (vouchers)
Books (Borders card)
"that" Bareback top
Denim Skirt
Slippers
Leather Belt
Bangle
Lancome's mascara
Long tube

The "can-wait" list:
Cargo shorts
More fairytale books
Mango clothes (vouchers)
Armani exchange's belt

All I want for christmas is my family to be saved. For all my wishes to come true. For me to prosper like never beofre~!!! Although it's not something that I would like to get for christmas, but it's something I would really love to, A BIG TEDDY BEAR WITH A BOUQUET OF RED ROSES!!! Hehe.

Christmas kettling was quite fun. Cause we talked about alot of things. Not exactly alot as it always revolves around the same topic. But that topic is so wide, we can talk about it for ages and never end, cause we never get to know the truth. IT'S ALWAYS STAYS AT SQUARE ONE!!!

Prayer meeting yesterday was GREAT! God is speaking to me once again.
"Are you willing to put away everything and follow me?"
"Yes God I am willing"

You're right. It's time. Time for me to step out, time for me to reach out, time for me to start making myself fruitful and available. Swee min, stop giving excuses to yourself. Use your time to the fullest for Him. This is the time, for the next generation to rise up and do the better. It's ME!!! Give me the anoiting that I need, be it if my friends mock at me; telling me the impossibles; saying swee min you are just crazy; haha you sure you can? pigs will fly; I don't bother. Cause I know the better is installed for me. I need the faith to move on, to step out!

I need MORE MORE MORE sleep BADLY! I felt like fainting. Grant me Your strength to carry on. I can't do this alone, You know I can't, You got to help me in this.

We tend to judge others by their actions, their speech. It seems that as we make an opinion towards someone's actions and speech, be it if it's accountability, we are opening ourselves to others making an opinion of us. I hope You sees that it's not me trying to be the nice little angel, and others the black dirty devil, but I just want to change them to be better, and teach them what's right to do at the right time and what's wrong. If' one thinks that's wrong, they are just not teachable, and I've got nothing else to say.

Swee is feeling... stretched.

In days like this, I would be wondering
Do I really want to grow, or
just being forced to.
In an environment like this,
Yes, it would stretched me to do more
and greater things that is out of my comfort.
But do I really want this?

You had been talking to me all these while
I know, I understand
To step out, it's another thing
It's a whole new dimension to me
I need time
Time to get used to all these
noise, age, differences

I want to accept and love,
each and everyone ,
for who they truly are ,
and how they act.

I am willing to sacrifice.
Be it my time, effort, reputation, money.
I say... I am willing.

Love is uncontrollable. Irresistable. Love comes unexpectedly. They come so strong and I just fall back into it. Is that all it's about?

Something from Summer in the city (novel)

"Through endless summer days and

sleepless nights, the secret flame of
desire burned in him. Each accidental

touch of her hand seared his
skin. The lightest brush of her fingers
sent heat pulsing through his
loins. She was wildfire in his veins
and he dreamed of her coming to
him and..."

It was something that I remembered from the book. Apparently, it's very WOAH. Haha. I just like the way the author describe the details that make you want to read on.

Because you live...
I breathe.

30 November 2006 / Thursday
Second day of ET Zone camp. I came with a heart of expectancy. Sis Jerblinn preached about relationship with God, and from the message today, I learnt something really great, that made me went WOAH. She said, what really draws us into His presence, it's when we come before Him truly broken, when we surrender what really means to us most. God, I say, from now I on, I will come before you, surrender all that I treasure, my desires, my dreams, my friends, my time and my love. I come to You, truly broken, making myself free at all times. Sacrificing my time with my friends, my shopping, my laziness, I will avail myself to all I can do for You. Make you a vessel of Your love. For I say, I am broken.

Dance was fun today. After today, I don't know when I will be able to dance again. Really miss those practice times, with those fun and joy. All the tough training is worth it for His glory. Make it groove~

2 December 2006 / Saturday
Went for make-up cell in the early morning. I was so tired due to the late and tired nights I had. As usual I woke up late and rush down in a cab. Reached at around 11.30am when it starts at 11am. But thank God when I reached they were just sharing testimony. It's really good to worship God in the morning to be in His presence. Now I know how to step into the realm of His spirit, it's easier for me now to pull down the presence if God. Make-up cell was great, His presence was so tangible.
Rushed down to meet Gloria. Christmas Kettling was fun. The sun was freaking hot. Gloria was wondering what happen to our winter. Haha. We were asking each other questions, hopping that time will pass faster.

4-6 December / Monday-Wednesday
Did christmas kettling for all three days in a row. It was kind of tiring, yet fun as we get to talk all the time and not through the phone. I really feel like swimming badly!
Clarence's school concert on tuesday was boring. Looks like their only highlight was the band. The band is pretty good. Their dance was like... urgh. For chinese orchestra, even if it's my own school's, I still hate it. Their school choir is small but strong and good, except for this werid girl that kept on looking around and moving her head looking like a complete weirdo. Yes, Gloria you are right. Most of them there are "ah-bengs and ah-lians", maybe like 9/10 of the school. I guess most of the students did not turn up for the concert as the attendance looks really l-o-w.

As I was walking home at night, I saw this old couple, walking home, hand in hand. It's so sweet, even though they are old doesn't they have no right to be romantic, no right to love. They weren't afraid of people mocking at them saying that they are so old already yet still so mushy. As I continue to walk on, I see this young couple, just sitting there, keeping quiet, not even looking into each other's eyes. It seems that love has faded long before they knew. They have the energy, the strength, the courage, the effort to love each other more, to make the move. But they don't have the heart and mind to. After seeing these two couples, I was reminded of God. I remembered those times Pastor always tell us that it's not the age that matters, you might be old, but young in heart, and those that are young might not be that on fire for God as the older ones. Most of the times, I don't take it to heart, I used to think that I will not happen to me. Things changed, after tonight, I relised, though I am young, I got the energy and flexibility, but yet I am not using them to the fullest, I don't have the heart and passion for it. Due to that, my talents and gifts are not fruitful anymore. God, I pray and I pray, don't let that ever happen to me. Use my youth to the fullest. Let me take every single opportunities I can to serve You, to love You more. I want to be the vessel that You will use. I want to make my life to the fullest for Your glory, Your will. Let me be the one; that when You are looking through the room; looking for the one that heart is after You; to follow You wholeheartedly, You will choose me.

Dwelling in : Summer in the City

7 December / Thursday
Went for work at my cousin's shop today. 10am till 4pm. $10 per day. It's quite a slack job though, plus it's in air-condition. My uncle just wants to give me money in a more practical way. It's kind of giving his money away. Really praise the Lord, as I really needed money to fulfil my building fund and for my needs (maybe desires too :p).
I took a bus 16 down to Tiong Bahru to meet the girls and guys for basketball. It was a fun time, get to reach out to Joey (Qing's friend) too. *sigh* Children nowadays are so active, I just felt like melting under the sun, althought there isn't sun that evening, PTL! Haha. Not that I hate sports, but too much of it make me so sick and tired. Frankly, I do love sun, but not the bright bright side of it, that involves my sweat. (In the dictionary, it didin't mention that sweat are only for animals.) But I guess all of us had a fun time. I broke my NAIL!!! I was acting like a typical young girl, whining while Lucas tried to pour water on my finger as I was too afriad to do it myself, I was screaming way before the water touch my skin. At the end of it, I found out that it wasn't painful at all. Haha. I felt dumb acting like a complete girly girl (I don't mean bimbo). Had difficulties putting on the plaster too. Lucas came to help again, as xiao en's hand was too dirty(that's what she said). Thanks man. By the way, the pig IS cute.

Dwelling in : Summer in the City

8 December / Friday
Traffic jams get on my nerves. Don't want to talk about the 'job', it was stupid. Let's talk about me shopping for present in this christian book store. I saw this book that I really like, title is "How to hear God's voice in a noisy world". Although I didn't read the contents, but the title captivated me. People out there... Yes I am calling for YOU! that's you. I won't mind having vouchers as christmas gifts, especially ZARA's, MANGO's, TOPSHOP's, I would love BORDERS's card! I seriously won't reject Armani Exchange vouchers too. Although I won't really accept expensive gifts, but since you are so sincere, I will just accept it. Haha. I am so in the christmas mood! I loveee the song "silent night", for some reasons that I don't even know, I am so into it. Haha. *breathed out heavily*
For the past two days, I was dwelling in the book "Summer in the City - Elizabeth Chandler". Something came to my mind. Do you believe in love at first sight? I used to, but now I believe lust at first sight. I am a girl that live in my fantasy world A-LOT, so much that you don't even realise. I dream A-LOT. Maybe I watched and read too many romance shows and books, I told myself, I should start to read or watch less of them. When I am at home, I will bury myself in novels, it's just so exciting reading them. But I know, all those kind of sweet things that happen in the books or shows; that make me go "AHHHHHHH SOOOO SWEET!!!!", it will never come true for me. (Since I am on this topic, let me make something clear, alot of people might think that I want a relationship, you know who I am talking about and yes it's YOU! I just want to make myself clear, once and for all, I am NOT craving for a boyfriend, I am NOT desperate, I WON'T go all out for a cute guy. I WON'T and I am NOT, okay? Am I clear enough? I am sorry if I give you that idea all the long. If you are Gloria or Eliz I won't mind, cause I share things that only you know, and I hope you keep it that way. Haha.) It's just all in my dreams, somewhere in a deep deep place in my home-made lala land. Somewhere deep in my heart, I know I needed sweetness. Love at first sight? It's a jock to me.

Dwelling in : California Holiday - Kate Chan (novel)
AND
Imagine me without you - Jaci Velasquez
As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Till the end of time forever
You're the only love I'll need

In my life You're all that matters
In my eyes the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one that's there for me

When I found You I was blessed
And I will never leave You, I need You

Chorus:
Imagine me without You
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day, I'd be afraid
Without You there to see me through

Imagine me without You
Lord, You know it's just impossible
Because of You, it's all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can't imagine me without You

When You caught me I was falling
You're love lifted me back on my feet
It was like You heard me calling
And You rush to set me free

It was the first day of ET Zone day camp! Woooohooooo! The camp name is called "E=MCsquare" - Encounter=More of Christ in Culture. I am suppose to meet the members at Boon Lay MRT station at 8.30am. I woke up at 6am, went back to sleep, woke up again at 6.30am, went back to sleep, and this goes on and on till 8am. I woke up in shocked, I was like, "Oh no! How how how? I got no money take cab and who is going to meet the members?!" I got out of my bed, bathed, prepared and throw everything I needed into my bag then I rushed off. I went straight to church and got there at around 9.30am? I am in the team NOAH! Kik-kok-kik-kok-kik-kik-kok. Hehe. I miss those times.

We started off with Ice Breakers. We had this game called the 'Trios'. Where no matter what, we just got to stay in three. When a description was given, one person got to get out and find another pair. Hope you get what I mean. Cause I am kind of lazy to explain. We had another game, where each member of the team were given one word, and they got to use a specific body part to show it to their team-mates. Those who got it right will get points. I get to use my finger! Hehe. Had another game, when a list of things was given, ex. food, movies, fruits... The game masters will give an alphabet, and we got to write the things that start with that alphabet on the list of paper and run to the stage to show your answers.

Follow on we had session one. It's was okay. Presence of God was there but not very strong. I still love the way God comes in the morning to wake you up from your fantasy land and step into His anoiting.

Went for lunch, then games. There were 3 stations : Dodge Ball, Captain's Ball & Soft Ball. Dodge ball was pretty fun, captain's ball was tiring. Haha. As the opponent were kind of too tall. We didn't get a chance to play softball as it was raining heavily. I mean HEAVILY! Yet I got to run back in the rain to rush for dance practice. I bathed in church. Then... we started practicing.

The dancers put up a big load of make-ups. Haha. I love the way my hair looks somehow. Dance was okay. I can't said I did my best cause I know it's not. It's okay, there is still a chance for me tomorrow night to do my best for God. Today's seesion was GREAT! As in seriously seriously GREAT GREAT GREAT! The presence of God was so strong in that place. God, thank you for speaking to me, making me realise that I do have the ability to have a great future, that my destiny is in Your hands. Just trust in You. Trust in You. I weeped alot. Behind all the make-ups and faces, when all those mascara and foundation fades, where I throw away all my masks, and show God my true-self, that I am sorry for my true-self, for whatever I had done wrong that I try to hide. I am sorry God. Forgive me. I need Your mercy and grace.

After all that, a bus took us back to tampines. David, Si Jia, Xiao Lii, Deborah and me went to Macs to have our I think dinner? Haha. We were all so hungry. Torance, your face on my phone gave me a shock! Go back to the main point. 3 of us gotten McSpicy meal, and the rest gotten Grilled chicken fold-over. Really hungry man. I was walking around with my thick make-up and messy hair. I look really poser. Haha. But I was too tired to bother.

Something happened to me today. Just when I was renewed and changed. God, is this a test? Are you putting me to a test? I didn't know how to react. Turst in You. That's all I need? I know that I know that You are the One I truly know. I don't have to prove to anyone that the God I know is truly the God. God, I just trust in You, I placed all I have in You. Make me a vessel of Your love. Give me the courage and wisdom, to overcome the fears and trials that are coming on their way. Give me wisdom and anoiting to stand up for Your Name, Your Word, Your Promises, Your disciples, the leaders you placed in my life, and most of all, for Your sake, that I won't be afriad or stumbled when things like this happen again. I will be able to stand up for Pastor and leaders that they are the truth-speaker. Satan, get behing me! For it is written, You shall worship the Lord your God, and Him only you shall serve.

Heb 10: 22-23
"Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope WITHOUT WAVERING, for He who promised IS FAITHFUL."

Today was GREAT!!!

I was on my way to meet Gloria at Cineleisure in the cab. Guess what?! While I was changing the songs, my dearest iPod jammed! For those that truly know me, I can't live without music, my life will be bored and meaningless. Not that God is not as important as music, but I suppose you get what I mean. Get back to the main point. I started to panic, I called Gloria and told her what happened, being the usual cold-blooded woman she is, she said, "then?". So annoying. The moment I reach Cineleisure, I rushed up to the Apple Store to get my iPod fixed. That man took like 3 seconds to get everything down, while I panic-ed like mad. Come to think of it, it's kind of dumb of me. After that I went down the next level to this store "Pandora's Box" to collect the top that I reserved last week. Yes I know that top is 'ah-lian' but it's nice. Walked past Tangs to disturb Zi wei and Tiara, we didn't tell them we are the next shift. We planned to be late. Do we sound mean? But for your information, they were 45minutes late! Then we walked to Far East Plaza, I want to show Gloria the boots I talked about, I ended up reserving it. Haha. As we were in the shop, Zi wei called and said, "Hey, that SA guy came and told us the next shift is Gloria Chew and Lee Swee Min! Come down NOW!" Gloria told her even that is so, there is still one more minute. But we took 25minutes there, as we went to buy Coffee Bean. Hehe.

Today's christmas kettling was fun fun fun! Talked about all those that walked past, time seems to past faster than yesterday. We played the "ah-beng" game again, by the way, it's really quite fun. It's get annoying though, as Gloria keeps saying she's blind. Haha. There was only one man that came to say ice-cream today, yesterday was like 3 annoying man. For some reasons, all of them are old man, why is that so? Is it true that when you get older you try to be funny but you end up doing something stupid. There were 2 groups of guys that came to ask for number. They were all so... *sigh* I don't know how to describe. But of course, I am not interested. I heard from Gloria, there was this white shirt guy that came to donate, he likes me. Righttt! Since when did doing salvation army christmas kettling, a charity work into a flirting or match-making session? Sometimes it's just get real annoying. Like... I am doing something serious here, not to be an entertainment or a model for you guys to look at. Okay but whatever, That white shirt guy was cute. Haha. Opps! Gloria said from far he was looking, then when he put the money into the container he kept on looking at me, as I pass him the calender and sweet, he is still looking. Do people just donate for the sake of I don't know what. At least there was a breakthrough today, there were 4 teenagers that donated, yesterday there was none. All along it's just adults. We shared alot of things, I really like the fact when we just talked for 4 hours and it's not through the phone. I asked her lots of funny questions, whether the answers are true or not, I have no idea, only you guys know the best. We left at around 7.20pm.

Rushed down for dance. It's was a fun practice again. So Torance, what's UrbanGroove rule #01??? Haha. Make up your mind man. Let's shake hands. *doudge* Dennis, stop lying to me. It's difficult for a girl like me to know which is the truth which is not. So ya. Ravi, you are so funny. How can your lips bleed for no reason, maybe you just hit yourself while dancing or something. Yes, Sing Xuan you did a great job. Keep it up. Just remember, you can do it. (Just do it.) UrbanGroove Go Go!!! Dance it for His glory. Pull and Bear it Sharp!

Everybody's going crazy
Is anybody going to save me
Can anybody tell me what's going on
What's going on
If you open your eyes
You can see that something is wrong
-Crazy (Simple Plan)

I've got a need.
I've got a big need.
I've got a big big need.
I've got a NEED.

I've got to SKATE!!!!
Hasn't beem skating for what feels like a month!

Had just been dancing and dancing and dancing.
But I still love it as much!

saturday
woke up at around 11.30am
got up at 1pm
ate the roti-prata mum bought for me
intend to go and buy presents then go for service
gj suddenly asked me go accompany calvin for make-up
was kind of sad cause it's phil pringle service today
didn't want to miss it
but got no choice and got to sacrifice (God sees it)
took a cab down that cost me $10.20
and guess what?! I waited from 4.20pm to 5.15pm
calvin didn't turn up!!!!!!! and he don't even bother to tell me
phone was off-ed, mum said he went out super early!
wasted my time and money and most importantly....
I DIDN'T GET TO GO FOR SERVICE
I heard that it was super super good!
what a day man!
went to get presents at J8
lazy to go town
bought 2 of them tops from FunkyB (christian shop)
clarence's from 77th street
bought macs & took a bus home
craving for the fried oysters @ bedok

Had bible study today. It was great. I realise the more bible study I have, the more complicated it gets. But the better and better it gets too. I really get to know what this world is all about, how God created this fancy world and the more I can see God's plans in my life. Showing me the path I should walk. Knowing what all this is about. Looking forward for more of it.

Although I went for prayer meeting late today, but the presence of God was so strong in that place. The moment worship comes, I started weeping. He reminded me of my calling, my vision, His will and not mine. Though it's not what I expected, not what I want, not something in my comfort zone, but out of it. I told God, "If that is really my destiny, bring me closer to it". It's really difficult, I got to say it's really tough, but I believe if God had place this for me, He will bring me to it and through it. Bringing me nearer to my destiny. I told God again, "Help me to be more winsom, bring the friends to me. I want to win souls for Your Kingdom, for Your Name to be glorified. Teach me, Holy Spirit guide me. Help me to love Your Word more, spend more time with you, bring me back to my first love. Let the fire of God burn in me once again, I want to be passionate for You, Your will".

Dance today was not bad, strengthened my steps and sharpened them. My steps are on the beat now, really got to practice alot more. I am still bad at locking, God! Is there anyway out? Help me! Locking is tough. I look weird doing it. Haha. Believe I can do. I got faith! I see hope!

All my life

There was just me and my dreams

And the days went ticking by

Like the beat of my heart

Spend my nights

Wondering how it would feel

When the waiting would end

And tomorrow would start

Suddenly I see the light

Out of the darkness I'm coming alive

So this is how it feels

Reaching for heaven

This is how it feels

Kissing the sky

This is what it means

Touching forever

Like a phoenix rising from the flames

I'm reaching for heaven

All this time

I never knew I was so strong

But you made me find the fire

That was there all along

In your eyes I can see all I can be

Suddenly I want it all

And I know you'll catch me if ever I fall

You alone have shown me

Shining new hope rises now for all

I owe you

It's my turn to show you

Romans 4:20

He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God.

Suppose to go town with Gloria. But as usual, I got 'pang seh' by her.
Eliz agreed to go with me. But in the end, she got to go send her member off.
So... I got no choice but stayed home the whole day till dance practice time.
Wanted to go and buy MAC eyeliner and Maybelline mascara. *sigh*

Took a cab down to SMU. Got no choice. They need my laptop. It cost me $12.30!!! That uncle made so many rounds, cheated my money. Dance was FUN FUN FUN today. Haha. So funny!!! Guess what?! I was named the "zouk girl". How nice! All thanks to David Choon! There is this step that I seriously cannot do, not that flexible to do it.

I WANT A PAIR OF CONVERSE SHOES BADLY!

Today's sub-zone amazing race was OH-KAYY.
For service, was stonning most of the time.
Guess I was too tired.
Trying to focus.

Don't know what am I feeling again.
Very EMO I guess.
I am always EMO, some might say.

God, show me my right one.

It's only when I am in my very own 'lala'' land
I can be who I truly am
I don't have to fake
I don't have to carry faces
carry burdens and stress
and to be who others want me to be

I can be who I wanna be
living in my own fantasy
To be with those that I want to be only
Loving those that I want to love
Don't have to act to like people
that I truly don't

To have that courage to say things I want
To make my own stand
To tell those that I love
To wear what I want
To dance all I can till the night falls

Looking up at the dark blue skys
with those beautiful stars
shinning bright in the dark
Relaxing at my nice little cosy cottage
Sitting by the sea side with my love ones
Realising that verything in the world
doesn't matter anymore

it's only in my dreams and fantasy...

There is this girl, that once love God so so much,

who once had so much passion,

who once put Him first no matter what,

who once sacrificed just for His glory,

who once are excited for every event,

who once never give up on Him,

never turned away from Him.

This girl had tried her very best to be like Jesus,

strived all the way to know Him better,

do all she can to follow His will,

making her love for Him come true.

Her words, her smiles, her visions, her dreams, her fire for God,

ONCE touched many hearts.

She was real, was true, she doesn't act. She does everything for God.

She knows that God truly loves her for who she truly is.

But now...

things changed.

Things in the world, looks much better to her.

There were many many things that distract her.

She knows those things doesn't last.

But yet, she doesn't want to give them up.

She is sad.

As God doesn't seem to bless her anymore.

at the times when she needed the most.

She felt controlled.

She felt that she can't do things that she want,

say things like her friends does.

She likes the feeling of being free.

God gave her the gift and love,

she knows it very well.

But just can't seems to do it well.

Love starts to fade off.

Passion starts to drift away.

Fire is burning off.

where is that passion?

she misses it.

but it just seems like it's burning in someone else's heart now.

where is she?

I can't find 'her' anymore...

Sorry guys for not updating for such a long time. Got home late every night, by the time I am home, I am just too tired to blog. So... your long awaited post is here now!

Thursday - 09 November 2006
Stayed home the whole day. Waiting for 7pm to come for my medicine time. As time passed by, 7pm is here! I mixed the transparent liquid into my pepsi. As I started drinking... EWWW!!! MY GOODNESS! IT'S FREAKING DISGUSTING! So sick. It's making want to puke, but I got no choice, I can't vomit it out or else, it doesn't work anymore. You can never imagine how gross it can ever get!

Friday - 10 November 2006
Woke up at 7.30am to prepare for the scope. Reached east shore hospital at 8.15am. Registered into the hospital, changed to the 'funny looking' clothes. Haha. It just felt so weird and empty. Went down to the operating room on the trolley. It was called the trolley, how nice... I am being pushed down in a 'trolley'. It seriously felt so funny. Haha. I just kept on giggling. Waited for like half an hour as my doctor was doing a scope on another patient. Finally it's my turn, went inside the room. They sprayed this thing into my mouth to numb my throat (it feels so funny and it's bitter). When the doctor came in, they inject something in to my veins, to 'put me to sleep'. But yet... It was too painful till I woke up in pain in the process of it. Then they put an extra dosage of the medicine and I went back to sleep. Can you imagine how painful it is? Woke up at around 12.30pm. When the doctor came in to gave a report, guess what he said. He said my colon is longer than others and loopier! Haha. Due to that, I had some pain in the process. How nice...

Sunday - 12 November 2006
Today's service was... OKAY. Was stonning most of the time. Saturday's service was much better. Went fellowshipping after that. Ended so early as usual. Was so bored... so I went tampines to find Eliz and hang out with her cg. Went for dance at 6pm. It was not bad. I went back to find Eliz after that. We decided to go and 'visit' our 'long lost' friend (heart that is lost), Larry. Haha. Feel really really really happy to see him, talk to him. It feels like I went back to the past. That kind of friendship is so difficult to archieve and I seriously don't want and can't afford to lose it. I cherish it. And with my darlings, Eliz and Gloria. I loveee you guys.

Vivo city is big but super useless!

I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Coz I've got you to make me feel stronger,
When the days are off and an hour feels much longer.
When I've got you to make me feel better,
When the nights are long it will be easier together.

What's wrong, what's wrong now
Too many, too many problems
Dont know where she belongs
where she belongs.

She wants to go home
but nobody's home
Thats where she lies broken inside
With no place to go
no place to go
to dry her eyes

Her feelings she hides
Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's falling behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's falling from grace
She's all over the place
Broken inside

Feeling super emo now. One moment I will tell myself "it's okay, everything is fine. I got God. Everyone experience this. Just learn from my mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes regardless big or small. Just move on. Don't brood over it." Next moment, "I can't take it. Satan is putting so much presure on me. I am going crazy and out of control. Maybe I am just like that. Killing my joy. I am not worthy of God". These are driving me nuta. Getting split personaility.

Got to be strong. Everyone goes through this before. Can't just let a one time failure pull me down and let satan have the chance to come in.

Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek Your face
Lord all I am is Yours
My whole life I place in Your hands
God of Mercy
Humbled I bow down
In Your presence, at Your throne
I called, You answered
And You came to my rescue
And I want to be where You are
In my life, be lifted high
In my world, be lifted high
In our love, be lifted high

A pure heart that's what I long for
A heart that follows hard after thee

A heart that hides your word
So that sin will not come in
A heart that's undivided
But one You rule and reign
A heart that beats compassion
That pleases You my Lord
A sweet aroma of worship
That rises to You throne

Corrupted and dirty. I know. There is no way I am worthy of You. All Your love and guidance, have all gone to waste? I don't know. Is it wrong to be forgetful no matter how important something is? I am always so scared. Am I very useless? I am forever making the same mistakes again and again. I know the consequences, the things to do and not to do, the things to avoid of, just that I don't do them. I simply don't. I know my faults and weakness. But I just don't make a point to change them. Am I not discipled enough? Am I very stubbon? Which part of me is not doing well. I know. I know. I just can't put myself to correct it. I tried. I tried. And I tried. I really did even if you don't believe. It just kept on coming back. GET BEHIND ME SATAN! I want to be pure. clean. cleansed. white.

While I was skating last night, I notice something.

"The darker it gets. the brighter it is."

As the night falls, it gets darker and darker but yet, the light seems to get brighter and brighter. Somehow it just encourages me. The deeper I am in darkness, the more God will show himself. He will be the light that guide me through the dark valley. The tougher things get, God will show me more of His ways. So no matter in what circumstances, He will definatly be there.

Started off perfect yesterday. Wok-ed up at around 10+, turning and flipping on my comfy and cosy bed. Thinking of the nice things that happen-ed the day before. It just felt-ed like a dream. But afterall, I know it's real, 100% real. Wor-ed my contacts, brush-ed my teeth. Had-ed 2 pieces of roti-prata. Start-ed blogging, watch-ed tv. Finally got my guitar tuner!!! Praise the Lord! Play-ed guitar as and when I am free, read-ed my book 'Summer In The City' (it's really nice and sweet). After like every hour I will go into my room to slack on my bed once again. Haha. After 3 days of camp, sleeping at 3am all the time and waking up at 7am every morning, having the chance to be in bed ALL THE TIME is the best. Something happened to my blog, it went all blank. So... got to like redo everything. Sat on the super soft sofa, having my lappy on my lap, typing as how the feelings go....... love comes and go QUICKLY. Still feeling very tired. Haha. For this week I can slack all I like. From next week onwards, it's..... STUDYING, reading, guitaring, dancing, studying, READING, guitaring, dancing, studying, reading, GUITARING, dancing, studying, reading, guitaring, DANCING! DANCING WOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!! haha. Passion for dance..... can't wait to dance. Where there is music there is dance. It's links together like a pair of twins. Haha. I think I am just going high. LOVE YOU GOD! YOU'RE THE BEST. ALWAYS THE BEST NO MATTER WHERE I AM WHO I AM WHAT I AM. LOVE YOU PRAISE YOU TO THE CORE!

Today I started off well too. Woke up at 7 plus, think I slept too much yesterday, that's why woke up so early. Went back to sleep, Got up at around 10.15am. Started using my lappy and watching tv. Ordered Macdonals at like 11.30am. Received messages. Replied them. Then blogged, now playing my guitar. The whole day I am going to slack till 5.30pm. Will be having a ex-class reunion bbq at ECP. I love my 2/4 class. IT'S GREAT! Miss those times. But somehow... my 'good friend' doesn't like it the way I do. Sooo.... sad. She's not going with me. I shall eat her share then. LOVE YOU GIRL! STOP HURTING YOURSELF. HUGS & KISSES! LOVE ALWAYS! Still hanging on with You. God, I am trusting you for a miracle in my finances. Going to sacrifice for you... Sowed in tears, reaping with joy. Love you God. Thanks for everything You're going to do in advance!

-Love Always-
Swee

My life You lifted high.
My world You lifted high.
My love You lifted high.

I called and You answerd.
You came to my rescue.
And I want to be where You are.

I am proud to say... I sow in tears. It would be a sacrifice from me to You.

God you really got to help me. I don't know how and where I am going to get that money, but I am trusting You to bless me in this.

SO STUCK IN THE MIDDLE. now i understand how it feels to be in a love triangle. is it even love, or maybe 'lust' triangle.

Will be in camp from friday to sunday. Means no internet, no tv, no lots of food, no bed, no sofa, no laptop and no air-con!!!! That's the worst. haha. I realise when you grow older, you don't tend to look forward to any camps. I only look forward to chalets with my friends. So free... no stress. haha. You all must be confused. Let me explain... To me, Camp DOES NOT = Chalet. Chalet is fun. Camp is not. Camp gives me rashes, no 'cosiness' (if there is such a word), cannot spend long time in the bathroom and got to participate in EVERYTHING. Camp is more like a life-learning journey. Learn to accept those that you don't like. Got to act like you 'loveeee' everyone (no matter how much you seriously don't). Maybe... I really am older now.

YEAHHHOOOOOOO!!!!! I GOT MY ADVANCEMENT! Praise the Lord! Although Crossly was super annoying, but who cares. As long as I get my advancement, I don't really bother at all. haha. PTL once again.

Girls are cute? Sweet? Lovely? Beautiful Objects? Or totally the other way round, they can be scary? Fierce? Complaint queen? Or like a dumb blonde? Brainless? Dependent? Like a baby? It's all up to you to decide. But for a girl like me? Haha. It's not up to you, but up to me to decide who I want to be for the day. I can be soft and sweet, or louder than the radio. I can be nice to you at this moment, but the next, I can be screaming the hell at you. I can be smart at times or dumber than ever. I can be sophisticated or totally go out of control. I can be glamourous. I can be cool as ice or as wild and open as I can be. I can so friendly or just totally turn-off to you. I can loveeee you to the core, or hate you till I die. I can say I don't like him anymore, but the next minute I tell you he's still somewhere in my heart. I can choose the guy I want to be with. Every girl has a choice. She doesn't have to be a bitch to have the ability to choose. For a girl to be able to choose her own life, she got to be like me. I have the freedom and ability to choose because I know exactly who I am, I know where I stand, every part of me, everything I see, I know what I need, most of all, I've got nerve to go and get what I deserved. Be a girl and do the right thing. Make your own stand. What a girl wants, what a girl needs, it's up to how much one dare to fight for oneself. There's no limitations to my imaginations. I say, I can have it all.

WHAT'S WITH THIS SICKENING WEATHER?! IT SUCKS. I CAN'T GO SKATING AT ALL. AHHHHH.... I REALLY REALLY WANT TO SKATE BADLY. CAN IT JUST STOP RAINING FOR LIKE 3HRS? GOODNESS.

I have no idea but I'm kind of HIGH. Always look at the bright side of life. I know it's always tough to have great faith, great believe, but easy to have a great problem. Always telling myself, I have a GREATER God. But does that solve all the problems? Oh, don't be naive. You got to do your best then... God will do the rest. Solutions does't drop from heaven. It got to comes through prayer, fast, mind-working, and maybe some I don't know, miracle? That is God. When you wake up, you won't find that all your papers turning to an 'A'. But... remember there is such thing as the favor? God give you favour through teachers? classmates? everything you can think of, it's there. SO... BELIEVING FOR THE MIRACLE TO HAPPEN. GREAT FAITH. GREAT BELIEVE. It's not that difficult afterall.

Here's a song, for some reasons, it just somewhat reflects my life.

You get the limo out front
Hottest styles, every shoe, every color
And when you're famous it can be kinda fun
It's really you but no one ever discovers

In some ways you're just like all your friends
But on stage you're a star

You get the best of both worlds
Chill it out, take it slow
Then you rock out the show
You get the best of both worlds
Mix it all together
And you know that it's the best of both worlds

You go to movie premieres
Hear your songs on the radio
Living two lifes is a little weird
But school's cool nobody knows

You get to be a small town girl
But big time when you play your guitar

Pictures and autographs
You get your face in all the magazines
The best part is that
You get to be Whoever you wanna be

Who would have thought that a girl like me
Would double as a superstar

You get the best of both worlds
Without the shades and the hair
You can go everywhere
You get the best of both girls
Mix it all together
It's all much better
Cos you know you got the best of both worlds

Singing off,
donatella 'faith hope love' Raine

"You got to tell her sooner or later.
I pick later."

"I say this because I care about you: get some help!"

"Oh believe me, she's screaming in the inside."

"Yes, and maybe just maybe that's insane!"

"But the mall has cute clothes!
But the beach has cute boys.
To the beach!"

"They love me, but I disgust them."

"Look at you all upside-right"

"Why? Does it bother you? It really turns off some people."

"You're not? Cause it's okay if you are."

"Good to know."

"Don't make me laugh, it comes out of my nose. You wanna see?"

"Too late. It's about to blow."

"Am I grossing you out?"

"How do you like me now?!"

"What does it take with you? What more do I have to do? You and I are never gonna get together!"

"Okay that went well."

"You did what???"

"Boy you bounce back fast!"

"Nothing anybody says or does, leave this room."

"Eww... He's such a jerk.
A very cute jerk."

"I don't know. But we're gonna find out."

"I knew it. But what does that mean? In english?"

"Should we hug? Let's hug."

"We're gonna lose. No. We're gonna lose bad."

All my favourite quotes. Cheers...

"We haven't met, and that's ok
Cause you will be asking for me one day

Don't wanna wait, in line
The moment is mine believe me

Don't close your eyes
Cause it's a chance worth takin

And I think that I can shake it

I know where I stand
I know who I am
I would never run away
When life gets bad,
Everything I see
Every part of me
Don't I get what I deserve
I got nerve"

"I'm more than just your average girl
I'd like to turn me up
And show the world

Cuz some can talk to the talk
But this girl just wants to rock
I'm individual
I'm not like anyone

I can be glam-or-ous
Just like you see in all the magazines
I can be cool as ice
Or anything I wanna be

Who said, who said
I can't be Superman
I say, I say
That I know I can

Who said, who said
I won't be President
I say, I say
You ain't seen nothin' yet

Go on and make some noise
Every girl has her choice
To lead their own parade
I do it my way

I can be soft and sweet
Or louder than the radio
I can be sophis-ti-cated
Or totally go outta control

Who said, who said
I'm not electrifying
I say, I say

There's no holding back
Hangin' right on track
Cuz you control the game
So let them know your name
No limitations on imagination

Who said, who said
I can't be worldwide
I say, I say
Time is on my side

Who said, who said
I can't be 10 feet tall
I say, I say
That I can have it all"

"I'm just like anybody else
Can't you tell
I hold the key
To both realities

The girl that I want you to know
If only I could show
I want you to see
The other side of me "

"Take the world shake'n stir'n,
That's what I got going on,
I throw my cares up in the air,
And I don't think there coming down,
I love how it feels right now.

Takin in a whole new scene
and i'm swimmin with a new crowd
Breakin down the old four walls
And im buildin them up from the ground
I love how it feels right now

I'm gonna follow my own lead,
kick back and feel the breeze
Nothing but the blue skies as far as i can see
This is the life.

This is the life,
Hold On Tight,
This is a dream,
It's all I need,
You never know where you'll find it,
And i'm gonna take my time,
And i'm still getting it right.
This is the life."

"Welcome to a new day
Don't know what's on the way
But whatever it is
I am ready

On your mark
Get set go
Here's the show
and the road
But with you it's a load I can carry

And each breath I can take it
and each moment gonna make it

It's so wonderful crazy,
it's so beautiful out of control,
Kinda scary amazing
But I don't mind it at all."

"Every single day
I wanna tell you how I feel

Are you really into me
Cause I know I'm into you
But I don't want to take another step
Until you say you feel it too"

A STAR??? Maybe yes maybe no. IT'S SO WONDERFUL CRAZY, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL OUTTA CONTROL!

Yes, I trust in You.

Lord You are always here with me
There is no changing God in thee
You are the same yesterday
and today and forevermore
Here on your promises I stand
You hold my future in Your Hand
My solid rock
Almighty God
I worship You

When troubles come I trust in You
For I know You will lead me through
And I know You are faithful
Till the end
And when the storms are drawing near
When I'm with you I don't have to fear
You're my shepherd on Whom
I can depend

Throguh the day
Through the night
I know You're always by my side.

God, guard my thoughts. Don't let the devil take control of my mind and body. I am thinking of killing myself, I know that's the devil. I can feel the protection layer surrounding me. I don't want to die, although that's what I feel right now. Satan, GET BEHIND ME!

The cruise thing was fun with all my dearest friends. The sea breeze was great, I am just so in need of it. The food was okayy, there was hot guys. I am amazed. Apparently, that's about all. I am not in the mood to go into details.

I am afriad, I am soooooo scared. I cannot cannot cannot retain. God, please don't do this to me. Please. My mummy will be super disppointed. I don't want her to be disppointed. She will be damn sad. I won't know what to tell Bro. Edmund. Plus I will see him tomorrow, I don't feel like talking to him. I don't want and I cannot cannot stay back. I will waste one year. I know I can do well if I work hard when I can go to Sec 4. I don't want to be looked down. I cannot take it. I am so broken down. Yet people just keep on pressuring me. Making a shit out of it. WHAT THE FISH! Can't you just stop it. CAN YOU THIS BUNCH OF PEOPLE STOP ASKING THE SAME QUESTION LIKE A THOUSAND AND ONE TIME IN ONE DAY. CAN'T YOU ALL BE MORE ORGANISE?! UNITED??? WHAT SHIT! I need a break. I had enough. I just need to cry it all out. If I really retain, I am so going to cry for 2 weeks. I will be super quiet the whole time. I need to rank at someone. Cry with someone. Not to hear a lecture from someone. Not at this point of time. Helppp.... I need a miracle.

I suddenly felt his comfort, his assurance. Tears being to flow down. He said, "Have faith". But sometimes is not that I don't want to have faith, but I am just very very afriad. I seems to lose it all. Then He said again, "Have Faith." God, assure me please. I seriously don't want to retain. I cannot retain. God say, HAVE FAITH!

I couldn't tell you
why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
And I couldn't help her
I just watched her make
the same mistakes again

What's wrong, what's wrong now
Too many, too many problems
Dont know where she belongs
where she belongs.

She wants to go home
but nobody's home
Thats where she lies
broken inside
With no place to go
no place to go
to dry her eyes
Broken inside

Open your eyes
and look outside
Find the reason why
You've been rejected
and now you can't find
what you left behind

Be strong, be strong now
Too many, too many problems
Dont know where she belongs
where she belongs.

Her feelings she hides
Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's falling behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's falling from grace
She's all over the place yeah

She's lost inside lost inside
She's lost inside lost inside

I am missing something

in life, For sure

The long lovely passionate kiss

That warmth when I'm in your arms

The sweetness of the flowers

Everything, I lost it

I remember those times when I fall sick

You cook porridge for me

Holding my hand

Falling asleep by the side of my bed

But I just can't be sure

Whether you like me or not

Am I falling for you?

Sometimes you are so cute,

so caring, so sweet

But sometimes you just don't seem to bother

So am I suppose to guess?

Times when I am upset

You hum songs that make me laugh

Being a famous celebrity

You are willing to humble yourself

to go to places that I like

Am I sinking deeper?

I think I love you

I'm falling for you

Cause now I miss you

But I know I can't

Time is running out

We know we got to go our different ways.

I just can't admit that I love you

Hiding all the feelings inside

Jealousy comes when I see you with another girl

I shouldn't be feeling this way

I'm not suppose to like you.

Your Life Path Number is 22

Your purpose in life is to use your power for good Of all the life paths, yours has the most innate power. Your power lies in your vision, and you must recruit others to help you in this vision. You are able to be a great idealist, but you still have the practicality to get things done. In love, you tend to be a big romantic - but you also tend to keep your distance. You have a lot of potential, and it's sometimes hard to live up to. Sometimes you just feel like slipping into obscurity and doing nothing. You tend to be prone to dramatic emotions, until you step back and look at things honestly.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

Went to hospital today for my stomach problem. In the end just got some medicine and went home. The consultation fees was $90 and the medicine only cost $17. Sooo..... much difference. See how expensive it is for someone to just say 'hello' to a doctor. By the way, 2 weeks later still got to go back and say 'hi' to the doctor and pay another $60. If the problem still continues, they got to put a camera into my stomach to check whether is it a serious case or not. So the charges will come up to a thousand? Therefore I will get to stay in the hospital for insurances purposes. Isn't it so cool? Haha.

After that, I went tampines to meet Larry at around 3.30pm. He was tutoring, but by the time I arrived, only Vincent is left. Stayed there for like 30mins? Then Kelly came. Finally, the main lead is here. Haha. Cause my purpose for being there is when larry is 'counselling' kelly, he can ensure that nothing will happen. Haha. You guys should get what I mean. But I am kind let Larry down, because I didn't really do my job, I sneak out with Eliz to shop. Bought myself a ring and one for my darling. Haha. No lah, bought one for Xiao Bai. Let me tell you people a joke, I actually bought a ring that Xiao Bai already had, please tell me how dumb I really can get. Haha. Obviously I am not dumb lah, just kind of sad for him. Haha. At least, he appreaciate it. Hehe. I feel much better.Kind of out of point right. Went to larry's place for movie after that, watched this show called 'firewall', it's about kidnapping and robbing a bank, the saddness of losing your love ones and seeing the cute dog getting hurt. Haha. Although it's not really interesting, in fact, it's actually quite nice, just that I am too tired. I think I am contradicting myself. Sorry guys, I am just tired. Before that, we were downstairs of his house, deciding for a very long time whether should we go 7-11 to get "AHEM". You know what I am talking about. Haha. Took a cabby home after that. Quite a quick ride home. So... apparently I had a very great day, love you peeps lots. =D

Ahhhhh.... I loveeee you guys. Such great joy to have you all to help me celebrate my birthday. Even though you guys don't even know me, you all make so much effort for the celebration. I love the fire crackers part, it's soooooo sweet. I never expect this to happen to me. The card is so very nice, with all the handmade hearts that can be counted up to 500? Thank you for all the effort, hard work, time and love. There are so many surprises that is so cool. I seriously love you guys and especially, LARRY. Ahhhhhh...... I love you!!! Haha. Maybe we really do look like a couple. Hahahahahahaha. You all can dream on. We are the best pals. Haha. Even as we spend the night through at the esplanade's outdoor threatre, it has been great fun and we shared lots of things, both emotionally and spiritually, which has been a great revelation to me. Spending time with you peeps is of great fun. Remember those times I give larry heart-attackS. Haha. I don't mean it you know, it's just me. Hahaha. By the way, Happy Birthday Xiao Bai/Liang Ping. Hope you enjoyed your birthday and presents too. Haha. When I really get to know you, you are a great company. All the best for the rest of your year. Cheers! Loving you people!

It's OCTOBER. Believing for a great month. With lots of spiritual renewal, breakthroughs, faith, sensitivity to God's voice, leading a life full of his will and agape love. Leading this month with a heart full of expectancy. For a great mighty move of God in ME! Going to make a decision to do more things, that includes the stepping out of my comfort zone. God, I AM READY AND ALL SET FOR THIS WONDERFUL CRAZY JOURNEY. WOOOHOOOO. OFF WE GO! October is the month, it's the time.

walking this unexpected journey with You.

I cried.

Wouldn't it be nice if you got someone that close? that nice? that sweet? Gosh... A bitch again. No. I am sure it's not the bitchiness this time. It's my heart. All the feelings so deep inside. Would you ever understand?

Gloria:
I LOVE YOU TO THE CORE!!!

Larry:
Rock on. Love you forever.

Eliz:
My dearest girlfrirnd. Muacks.

Han Xian:
Forever my elmo. You can't escape. =p

Xiao En:
Heart you. My lovely girl.

Stephanie:
Taiwan series!!! ahhhhh.... haha.

Jackson:
Owe me a present. Lamer. =D

Faith, Hope & Love.

Not just outward change, starting on inward change NOW.

God,
I love You not because I need You. I need You because I love You. Be it next week, next month, next year, 10 years, I just want to grow and love you more every day. Knowing You more and hearing from You every single moment is a goal. Getting to You is my destiny. Even though I know and I know that life is not easy, that I fall and fall again, sometimes I tend to give up or just to have that thought. You get me up to my feets once again. You always put this verse in my heart, " My flesh and my heart fails, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Then, You said, "See, its always 'BUT GOD' ".

I remembered on the day of my salvation, I said "I want to know who You are, to put You first in my life", I admit there are times I didn't fulfil that. Times, faith just seems to run away, love just seems to escape, hope just seems to turn invisible. Darkness slowly creep in and I just seems to be walking in this never ending dark valley, wondering when can this end. You speak to me once again,

"He leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of

shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have. For You I will.

Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy.
He who continually goes forth weeping,
Bearing seed for sowing,
Shall doubtless come again with
rejoicing,
Bringing his sheaves with him.

It's rather dumb to seek for something that is impossible. why not aim a little lower. Not like I am aiming to fail, just a 'B', not an 'A'. Having a goal is good, but maybe we should try to face the reality sometimes.

Hold on to what you try to be your individuality,
When the world is on your shoulders,
Just smile and let it go,
If people try to put you down,
just walk on by don't turn around;
You only have to answer to yourself,
Don't you know its true what they say,
That life it ain' t easy,
But your time is coming around

Try not to worry about a thing,
Enjoy the good times life can bring,
Keep good all the solitude,
Got to let the feeling show,
Imagination is the key,
Because you are your own destiny,
Never should be lonely
when time is on your side.
Don't you know its true what they say,
Things are said to try you,
But your times is coming around,
(So don't stop trying)

Don't stop, never give up,
Hold your head high and reach the top,
Let the world see what you have got,
Bring it all back to you,
Dream of falling in Love,
Anything you've been thinking of,
When the world seems to get too tough,
Bring it all back to you.

Everybody wants to be loved,
Every once in a while.
We all need someone to hold on to,
Just like a helpess child.Yeh
Can you wisper in my ear,
Let me know its alright.

It's been a long time coming down this road,
and now I know.
What I'v been waiting for.
And like a lonely highway
I'm trying to get home, Oo.
Loves been a long time coming.

You can love for a lifetime,
You can love for a day.
You can think you've got everything,
But everything is nothing when you throw it away. Yeh.
Then you look in my eyes.
And I have it all once again.

It's been a long time coming down this road,
And now I know.
What I'v been waiting for
And like a lonely highway I'm trying to get home. Oh.
Loves been a long time coming,

Didn't know I was lost,
Till you found me. Uh.
Didn't know I was blind,
But now I see.

After so long, I relised what I told her was what I need to know. God You are so smart. You make me tell someone else what I am supposed to know all the long. To trust in You, have faith in You, believe in You, knowing that You are a good God, that You won't allow bad things to happen to me, being there everytime when I needed the most and not treating You like a when-i-got-problems-then-seek-for God. These are all the knowledge a baby christian should know. Sometimes I really wonder am I just too dumb or lazy. Or worst still, can't be bothered. But it seems to be the worst. God, was that part of the plan? Or is it just my own attitude that cause this downfall?

You're probably thinking that I want those things
Cash, cars,­ diamond rings
Thinkin' on my side the grass is green
But you don't know where I have been
I could be a wolf in disguise
I could be an angel in your eyes
Never judge a book by it's cover.

You're looking at your neighbour thinking what a guy,
Cause he's got a 9 to 5
But the part that you don't realise
He stalks you while you sleep at night,
But you're scared of the homeless guy
Think he's gonna wanna to start a fight,
Never judge a book by its cover.

I could be a crook or your lover
I could be the one or the other
If you'd look beneath you'd discover
You just don't know me!

Tell me what do you think you see,
You're standing in your corner looking up on me,
You think i'm so predictable.
Tell me what do you think i am
Looks can be deceiving,
Better guess again,
Tell me what you see
When you look at me.

My stomach hurts so bad. I got serious gastric problem and stomach virus. Plus my exams are only 2 days away. I can't concentrate on studying in this state. I just feel like sleeping, cause that's the only way to not feel the pain. The pain is so bad that I feel like going to the hospital. I can't stand the vomiting feeling. It's so terrible. God why are you doing this to me again. The previous mid-year exam I also fell sick. God, you say you will be my Jehovah Rophe, my healer. I put my faith in You. Believing for a divine healing.

YEAHH!!!! FINALYY I GOT BACK MY PHONE! SO HAPPY!!!

Okay. I admit. I am desperate. Freaking desperate. When I see others, I will think to myself, why can't I have that kind of privilage too. I feel that I am such a bitch. I don't want to feel that way, cause it's terrible. It hurts. To see that hole. It's not the emptiness, not the lack of love, just the lack of... not being able to enjoy that kind of prvilage. Not that I am not being able to feel love, but just a different kind of love. I know it's not that important to get that kind of love. But I just want to experiance it in my secondary school years. I know I sound stupid, but that's just me. Everything's effed up straight from the heart. I really feel like a bitch! God.... I don't want to feel that way. Help.

To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best.
I'm tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.
- Madonna

It's so tiring. Going through all these. Wondering when can all these end. Tomorrow? Next week? Or next month? In need of a saviour. Need lots of prayers and fasts. I am going to older if I continue to sleep so late every night, being more stress everyday and worrying what is my teacher going to say next. Need a big big break and a good rest.
It's just me and You.

YOU LIFT ME UP
PULLED ME THROUGH
I AM YOURS
FOREVER MORE

quote from tata young

All about a female is... sexy, naughty and bitchy. It's not wrong being bitchy at all, cause it's just women. It's alright to be bitchy if you know what you want. I know what I really want!
-Tata Young

friends forever

Remember the first time
When we got to meet together
Awkward faces everywhere
When we try to know one another
We started on this journey
of love, of hope and faith
a new beginning as we start to find our way

As time passes by
We have grown to be aquiantance
Our conversation seems
much longer than they were
The times we had together
We cherish till the end
It's not by chance
that I have you as my friend

We are friends together
Now and forever
Till the end of time
We share our joys, our woes and our sorrows
And never say goodbye
Even if we go our seperate ways
I know we'll meet again someday
Friends forever
Let our heart beat as one

We are friends forever
Now and forever
Till the end of time
We share our joys, our woes and our sorrows
And never say goodbye
Even if the sun forgets to shine
I still can feel this warmth inside my heart
Friends forever
You and I

We'll be together
We're friends forever
We'll be together
Forever more
We'll be together
No matter where we are
We'll be together till the very end


As I was listening to this song, all the memories just seems to come back to my mind. The first time I got to know you guys, and slowly we go to aquiantance, and now friendship. Through this period of time, there are people that stay, people that leave, people that become enemies. All those that stayed, I just want to say that it's seriously not by chance, that we can be friends till now. Not everyone can be friends for so long.

Like Angeline, there are times when we will quarrel, fight over small matters, hurt each other's heart without knowing, but it's very amazing for staying as friends for so long. Thanks for these 5 years. For impacting my life, changing me to who I am now, more spiritual, more patience and more joyful. I am really glad to have you as my friend.

For Larry, I still remember the first time I know you. I don't know whether you still remember, but we start of just as strangers, then to exchanging of names, then numbers, then short conversations, till this sis-bro relationship, the 11-4am conversation, the joy and sorrows we gone through. Those times when I cry out to you, sharing all my problems with you, fustrating all my anger to you, spending our birthdays together and walking with God. I thank God that I can continue to walk this journey with you. For all the efforts you made or making to spend to make this friendship goes on. I really hope that we will never say goodbye. I don't care what others said or will say, cause I cherish this friendship so much that I won't allow any rumours or slanders to break it. Even if I go and study aboard, I believe we will still stay as friends, forever.

Gloria, I remember us staying in aquiantance for 2 yrs. Yet, some how we grow to friendship and to bringing you to God . So... I don't believe it's by chance. I regretted to not make the effort to get to know you for the past 2 yrs, or else we will be like the best of friends now. I believe it's not too late to start now. Although we might not have the same taste, but I think that there must be some differences between friends in order to change each other to a better person. I really love those times when we share our little secrets, our lovelife, our joys, when we go high together, laugh like crazy, making a fool out of ourselves, talking about guys, annoying one another, studying together, taking snap shots, 'ahem'ing together, shopping for stuff, playing sudoku and cry together. There are just so much things we did together in just this short 9months, that I can't name. I never regret spending every single second of those times with you. I cherish the times that we spend together. Hope we will never do anything to lose this friendship. Girlfriends forever. NOW AND FOREVER.

Eliz, I never expected us to grow to be this close. I found out that you are not just an ordinary girl, you are not the girl that people are spreading about. As I got to know you better, I realise you are so different from what I've heard. During the short period of time that I know you, I really feel that we are getting into each other lives. That we can't live without one another, we would want to know what is happening each day in one's life, want to go through sunshine and rain together. I know this friendship is very fragile and precious, I don't want to do anything that will break this chain. I want to walk this journey with you, even if it's tough, I want to be there when you are struggling.
May our hearts beat as one.

As for friends that had been through alot with me too, like Ming Xun, we only knew each other for like... 1month? But on the 1st week, I shared my fustration with you. I believe it's not that I got no one to share with then I ust find anyone. I believe it's not coincidence that we got to know each other in such a weird way. I really hope this friendship will grow stronger and bring it to another level. Really glad to have a great friend like you.

Stephanie, thanks for all the notes. Everytime you got to put up with me, for asking you 'what did she/he say?'. haha. That when I don't listen in class you are the one who will suffer. Thanks for all the advices you gave, for gifts, fashion and guys issues. I have no idea how we became friends, but I have never regretted having a friend like you. (Maybe you regret knowing me, haha) Even after our Os next year, and we go our seperate ways. I hope we will still keep in contact and meet out for lunch or something. haha. Love you.

I won't know how long all these friendships will come to an end or will it still go on. Through life, people in your life come and go quickly, that you won't even realise when they came and when they just slipped away. You never know what will happen the next second. Just want let all the memories flow in right now. To remember the things we went through together.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labour.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion"

Love for You never fades

I hate it when I lost my stationaries. Now I can't do any work without my pen. I will feel very uneasy using a pen that I am not use to. I lost 3 pens in day!!! Really need to get them back urgently. As for today... Went to airport early in the morning to study. Macs is soooo annoying. they chased Gloria and me out after like 2hrs??? Then got to find another place to study. Only at that time then I realise there are so many students there that are finding a place to study too. Now airport seems to become like a library. Haha. For some reasons, I was going high today. Was laughing throughout in BK. Gloria even drew on my hand, she wrote 'I love titanium or thulium:)', 'tongue-in-cheek;) (with a BIG heart)' & 'always and forever, I'm staying in your arms today'. Even till now it's still on my hand. Haha. Studying wasn't that fruitful afterall. After Gloria left, I went to meet eliz. This girl got so excited that Sun is back that she doesn't have the mood to study anymore, so we went home! Great! haha. The moment I reach home, something bad happened! I wanted to lift up my leg to cross them, in the end.... DUMB OF ME! My knee-cap hit hard onto the drawer. And OUCH!!!! The skin came off, leaving a very very thin layer of skin open. It's like OUCHHH!!! Now I am trying my best to stick the skin back. Haha. Munching the water-melon away... hehe. So sweet and cooling. haha. Yum Yum.

Where in the world
Can I find a love like this?
Am I to live this life?
The joy that I can ever get.

Your presence will always surround me
Forever through the valley
From sun to moon
You'll always be in my heart

My soul, mind and body
Belongs to You
Songs that rise for You
will never fade
Just like my love for You

Days that past

Oh no. End of year exams is only 7 days away and 14 days away to the exact one!!!! Oh no. I still got so much to study. I am super bad in memorising chem, bio, geog, Social Studies and F&N. God, send me the wisdom and strength that I need. Everything just don't seem to go right this few days. On friday, my teacher confiscated my 'brand new' phone that I just had it for a day, followed by cell group meeting starts at 7pm not 7.30pm, and I just knew it at like... 6.10pm? I still got to go town and fetch Gloria. The traffic was soooo terrible, when I say that I mean really really terrible. So we reach Lucas' place at like 7.15? The cab fare cost a bomb. It's like $23!!! More expensive than going to JW. Okay fine... I thought that was it. Who knows.... We are suppose to send Aaron off. We took a cab and fly down, in the end... guess what! We got the wrong terminal, all thanks to Lucas.... hahaha. (Okay please don't feel bad. I forgave you.) I make the present till like 2.30am for 3-4 days, and now I got to air mail there. That's like freaking sad. Nevermind. On thursday I was wondering what a 'GREAT' day it will be on friday. Yet, it turned out like that. WHY IS EVERYTHING GOING WRONG AT THIS POINT OF TIME???

On sunday, it was such a funny day. Lucas was known to be the 'handsome guy' for the rest of the day. Or maybe the rest of the month. Haha. But you must be honoured that Pastor Kong say it in front of 8,000 people that you are sooo handsome. Haha. Then we went to fellowship. It's was okay... just that we are not sitting together again. The rest of the day with Gloria is so freaking funny. We did alot of stupid things. Suppose to study and we end up talking. All thanks to..... GLORIA CHEW!!! For your information, she is already black listed by me for studying together. Never am I going to study with you again. Hahaha. When we are leaving Macs, something happened, and I screamed sooo loud that everyone turned and looked. I feel so embarrased, my whole face was so red, that Gloria say it was as red as the chair that she almost cannot see me. Haha. Zi wei was there, and she say she thought someone got murdered or something. Hahaha. We were like joke of the day. Went rollerblading in the evening, the wind is so strong that it feels like I am moving backwards. Haha. Then my aunt's house, what I never expexted is that my uncle gave me $50. I know some of you will say "I thought he every week also give you". Ya... but normally I will go praying tha God will speak to my uncle. Haha. But I didn't do that yesterday. That's why I always say God work in ways we never know. Haha.

Today, my mum went to school wanting to get back my phone. Yet that stupid Ng, say that I smsed her and she felt harassed. HELLO... it's like only one message! That's called harassed??? For goodness sake, she is an English teacher, does she know the meaning of harassed? Then she told my mum she wanted to return me today but she got harassed. She told me she will return in a COUPLE OF WEEKS. See.... how different teachers are in front of the parents. She even made my mum wait. Now she tell my mum that she will return it in 2 weeks time. which is next friday. FINE. Better than 1 month. It's just next friday. I'm trying to be optimistic. But the thing that she doesn't know is that, I got a dozens of spare phones and SIM cards. So it doesn't really matter for just that 2 weeks. But there is a miracle that happened, Ng actually told my mum that I am improving alot and more focus in class! WHOA! That's like soooo amazing. I am being sarcastic. She better not spoil or scratch my phone. My heart will break to like a thousand pieces.

My honey pie. Sugar brother. My soulmate. Dearest Homemate. Dearest Girl. *****' honey baby. ******'s handsome guy. ***'s darling. ******'s love rival. My piggy sister. The princess. My Baker. All purpose 'Advisor' (Advicer?). Best Guy Ever. Don't pick up. 'My first love, forever you will be...' Gloria, you know what I am talking about. Haha. All the best peeps. Love you.

relieved refreshed recharged

The only thing that had been good is cell gorup meeting. It's not just good actually, it's EXTREMLY GOOD! I believe that alot of locks in my heart had been opened. All the hurts, hated and daisppointment will be gone. I am very glad that Gloria came. You came at the right one. Really happy that you responded to God. haha. Hope you will continue to come and know more about Him and feel His love. To add on, come for the right reason please... I know what you are thinking. Haha. I mean it. Seriuosly. Anyway... I am not serving this week. Come earlier than we have breakfast. That is if you can wake up that early. haha. Okay see you tomorrow. Cheers!

My dearest Brother-in-Christ

To Mr act cool

Thank you...
For the close friedship
For being there when I needed the most
For talking till 4am
For all chit-chatting
For always saying I am the prettly lil sister
For cherishing this friednship
For all the love you gave
For every single second spent with me
For celebrating all my birthdays
For putting that great effort
For being the best brother
For breakfast, lunch, dinner & supper
For giving me advices
For bringing me out of darkness
For teaching me Math & Chem
For always taking care of me
For all the blessings
For the shoulder you lent
For your listening ear
For changing me to be a better person
For sharing things about you with me
For treating me like your best friend
For appreciating every single thing I do
For encouraging me
For sharing the joy and sorrows we encountered
For brightening up my life/ day.
Just want to tell you how much I appreciate it.

Yours truly,
Raine-swee

Cherishing

I want to cherish every single one of you right now. Especially people like Gloria, Elizabeth, Li Jia, Stephanie, Angeline, Larry, Ming Xun. I can't imagine. When we will start walking on our own paths. Going seperate ways. Living different lives with no connections. All I have is you guys now, what will happen if I am gone? I don't know how long more I will be here. Just want to say how much I appreciate you guys, how much I love every single one of you, and every single thing you have done in my life. I would miss you guys so much. Although it's kind of early to say this, but I can't predict the future. I rather I say it now. Then regret in the future. We might still be friends; or enermies. You never know. I really hope that even after I leave, my dearest 2 girls will still stay with God and walk the rest of your lives with Him.

who is who?

Eye of gold,
thigh of blue.
True or false,
who is who?

HIGH FOREVER MORE

I AM stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck I have no freaking idea what to write........ stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck I rememered I had soooo much I wanted to say and yet now I am stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck I don't know how to put it to words stuck stuck stuck I am freaking stuck...... darling stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck.

I fold them till my hand hurts like i don't know what. I only know that when I play guitar my skin will become hard. I didn't know floding this will result in hard skin too. Haha. The feeling is exactly the same like after playing the guitar for a long period of time. I think I got to start wearing plasterS. But if I wear them I can't fold. My hands will be too huge to fold. Haha. GOD MOISTURE MY FINGERS. haha.

I.....AM.....SO........STUCK...........IN..........THE.........HOLIDAY............MOOD.
STILL............IN...............SLEEPING.............SHOPPING................PLAYING.......MODE.

CAN SOMEONE FIND THE STUDY MODE PLEASE? IT'S I THINK.... SOMEWHERE INSIDE MY BRAIN. I NEED A SURGEON. BADLY. HEEEE =D. I THINK I AM IN THE HIGH MODE TOO. I HAD NO IDEA WHY. HAHAHAHAHA. JUST FEEL LIKE LAUGHING THE WHOLE ENTIRE DAY. HAHA. JUST SEEMS THAT THE AIR TO LAUGH IS STUCK IN MY CHEST AND I GOT TO LAUGH IT OUT. HAHAHAHAHAHA. GET WHAT I MEAN? I AM IN THE HHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH MODE. SUPER DOPER HIGH. I THINK I FOLD TOO MUCH AND IT SORT OF AFFECTS MY BRAIN. HEHEHE. SORRY IF IT CAUSES YOU TO TURN HIGH TOO. I WONT TAKE ANY RESPONSIBILITY. LOOOOVVVVEEE YOUUU GUYSSSS. OOOOOHHHHH LAAAA LAAA OHHH LA LA.

Renewal

Joy renewed?
Love renewed?
Peace renewed?
Passion renewed?
Spirit renewed?
All renewed.

I don't want to leave You.
It would break my heart and Yours.
Draw me closer to You.
Not to lose hope,
not to give up.
Help me to continue to fight on with You.

Jesus, with all my heart.
I just want to say.
I love You.

To my dearest

Girl, I am stumbled.
I have no idea what else can I do.
For you.
I tried and tried and tried.
Did all I can,
went all out.
Your response was, "Don't go all out for me to stay".
These words hit so hard.

The best I can do,
is to pray harder and fast more for you,
hoping God will touch your heart once again.
I just want to be there to be a listener,
to all you are going to say.
Be there when you cry,
when you need comfort.

God, give me your strength and grace.
That I'll never lose hope on her.
I teared, and teared.
Won't You come and touch her once again.
Renew her love God.
It will break your heart and hers,
to be apart from each other.