My stomach hurts so bad. I got serious gastric problem and stomach virus. Plus my exams are only 2 days away. I can't concentrate on studying in this state. I just feel like sleeping, cause that's the only way to not feel the pain. The pain is so bad that I feel like going to the hospital. I can't stand the vomiting feeling. It's so terrible. God why are you doing this to me again. The previous mid-year exam I also fell sick. God, you say you will be my Jehovah Rophe, my healer. I put my faith in You. Believing for a divine healing.

YEAHH!!!! FINALYY I GOT BACK MY PHONE! SO HAPPY!!!

Okay. I admit. I am desperate. Freaking desperate. When I see others, I will think to myself, why can't I have that kind of privilage too. I feel that I am such a bitch. I don't want to feel that way, cause it's terrible. It hurts. To see that hole. It's not the emptiness, not the lack of love, just the lack of... not being able to enjoy that kind of prvilage. Not that I am not being able to feel love, but just a different kind of love. I know it's not that important to get that kind of love. But I just want to experiance it in my secondary school years. I know I sound stupid, but that's just me. Everything's effed up straight from the heart. I really feel like a bitch! God.... I don't want to feel that way. Help.

To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best.
I'm tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.
- Madonna

It's so tiring. Going through all these. Wondering when can all these end. Tomorrow? Next week? Or next month? In need of a saviour. Need lots of prayers and fasts. I am going to older if I continue to sleep so late every night, being more stress everyday and worrying what is my teacher going to say next. Need a big big break and a good rest.
It's just me and You.

YOU LIFT ME UP
PULLED ME THROUGH
I AM YOURS
FOREVER MORE

quote from tata young

All about a female is... sexy, naughty and bitchy. It's not wrong being bitchy at all, cause it's just women. It's alright to be bitchy if you know what you want. I know what I really want!
-Tata Young

friends forever

Remember the first time
When we got to meet together
Awkward faces everywhere
When we try to know one another
We started on this journey
of love, of hope and faith
a new beginning as we start to find our way

As time passes by
We have grown to be aquiantance
Our conversation seems
much longer than they were
The times we had together
We cherish till the end
It's not by chance
that I have you as my friend

We are friends together
Now and forever
Till the end of time
We share our joys, our woes and our sorrows
And never say goodbye
Even if we go our seperate ways
I know we'll meet again someday
Friends forever
Let our heart beat as one

We are friends forever
Now and forever
Till the end of time
We share our joys, our woes and our sorrows
And never say goodbye
Even if the sun forgets to shine
I still can feel this warmth inside my heart
Friends forever
You and I

We'll be together
We're friends forever
We'll be together
Forever more
We'll be together
No matter where we are
We'll be together till the very end


As I was listening to this song, all the memories just seems to come back to my mind. The first time I got to know you guys, and slowly we go to aquiantance, and now friendship. Through this period of time, there are people that stay, people that leave, people that become enemies. All those that stayed, I just want to say that it's seriously not by chance, that we can be friends till now. Not everyone can be friends for so long.

Like Angeline, there are times when we will quarrel, fight over small matters, hurt each other's heart without knowing, but it's very amazing for staying as friends for so long. Thanks for these 5 years. For impacting my life, changing me to who I am now, more spiritual, more patience and more joyful. I am really glad to have you as my friend.

For Larry, I still remember the first time I know you. I don't know whether you still remember, but we start of just as strangers, then to exchanging of names, then numbers, then short conversations, till this sis-bro relationship, the 11-4am conversation, the joy and sorrows we gone through. Those times when I cry out to you, sharing all my problems with you, fustrating all my anger to you, spending our birthdays together and walking with God. I thank God that I can continue to walk this journey with you. For all the efforts you made or making to spend to make this friendship goes on. I really hope that we will never say goodbye. I don't care what others said or will say, cause I cherish this friendship so much that I won't allow any rumours or slanders to break it. Even if I go and study aboard, I believe we will still stay as friends, forever.

Gloria, I remember us staying in aquiantance for 2 yrs. Yet, some how we grow to friendship and to bringing you to God . So... I don't believe it's by chance. I regretted to not make the effort to get to know you for the past 2 yrs, or else we will be like the best of friends now. I believe it's not too late to start now. Although we might not have the same taste, but I think that there must be some differences between friends in order to change each other to a better person. I really love those times when we share our little secrets, our lovelife, our joys, when we go high together, laugh like crazy, making a fool out of ourselves, talking about guys, annoying one another, studying together, taking snap shots, 'ahem'ing together, shopping for stuff, playing sudoku and cry together. There are just so much things we did together in just this short 9months, that I can't name. I never regret spending every single second of those times with you. I cherish the times that we spend together. Hope we will never do anything to lose this friendship. Girlfriends forever. NOW AND FOREVER.

Eliz, I never expected us to grow to be this close. I found out that you are not just an ordinary girl, you are not the girl that people are spreading about. As I got to know you better, I realise you are so different from what I've heard. During the short period of time that I know you, I really feel that we are getting into each other lives. That we can't live without one another, we would want to know what is happening each day in one's life, want to go through sunshine and rain together. I know this friendship is very fragile and precious, I don't want to do anything that will break this chain. I want to walk this journey with you, even if it's tough, I want to be there when you are struggling.
May our hearts beat as one.

As for friends that had been through alot with me too, like Ming Xun, we only knew each other for like... 1month? But on the 1st week, I shared my fustration with you. I believe it's not that I got no one to share with then I ust find anyone. I believe it's not coincidence that we got to know each other in such a weird way. I really hope this friendship will grow stronger and bring it to another level. Really glad to have a great friend like you.

Stephanie, thanks for all the notes. Everytime you got to put up with me, for asking you 'what did she/he say?'. haha. That when I don't listen in class you are the one who will suffer. Thanks for all the advices you gave, for gifts, fashion and guys issues. I have no idea how we became friends, but I have never regretted having a friend like you. (Maybe you regret knowing me, haha) Even after our Os next year, and we go our seperate ways. I hope we will still keep in contact and meet out for lunch or something. haha. Love you.

I won't know how long all these friendships will come to an end or will it still go on. Through life, people in your life come and go quickly, that you won't even realise when they came and when they just slipped away. You never know what will happen the next second. Just want let all the memories flow in right now. To remember the things we went through together.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labour.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion"

Love for You never fades

I hate it when I lost my stationaries. Now I can't do any work without my pen. I will feel very uneasy using a pen that I am not use to. I lost 3 pens in day!!! Really need to get them back urgently. As for today... Went to airport early in the morning to study. Macs is soooo annoying. they chased Gloria and me out after like 2hrs??? Then got to find another place to study. Only at that time then I realise there are so many students there that are finding a place to study too. Now airport seems to become like a library. Haha. For some reasons, I was going high today. Was laughing throughout in BK. Gloria even drew on my hand, she wrote 'I love titanium or thulium:)', 'tongue-in-cheek;) (with a BIG heart)' & 'always and forever, I'm staying in your arms today'. Even till now it's still on my hand. Haha. Studying wasn't that fruitful afterall. After Gloria left, I went to meet eliz. This girl got so excited that Sun is back that she doesn't have the mood to study anymore, so we went home! Great! haha. The moment I reach home, something bad happened! I wanted to lift up my leg to cross them, in the end.... DUMB OF ME! My knee-cap hit hard onto the drawer. And OUCH!!!! The skin came off, leaving a very very thin layer of skin open. It's like OUCHHH!!! Now I am trying my best to stick the skin back. Haha. Munching the water-melon away... hehe. So sweet and cooling. haha. Yum Yum.

Where in the world
Can I find a love like this?
Am I to live this life?
The joy that I can ever get.

Your presence will always surround me
Forever through the valley
From sun to moon
You'll always be in my heart

My soul, mind and body
Belongs to You
Songs that rise for You
will never fade
Just like my love for You

Days that past

Oh no. End of year exams is only 7 days away and 14 days away to the exact one!!!! Oh no. I still got so much to study. I am super bad in memorising chem, bio, geog, Social Studies and F&N. God, send me the wisdom and strength that I need. Everything just don't seem to go right this few days. On friday, my teacher confiscated my 'brand new' phone that I just had it for a day, followed by cell group meeting starts at 7pm not 7.30pm, and I just knew it at like... 6.10pm? I still got to go town and fetch Gloria. The traffic was soooo terrible, when I say that I mean really really terrible. So we reach Lucas' place at like 7.15? The cab fare cost a bomb. It's like $23!!! More expensive than going to JW. Okay fine... I thought that was it. Who knows.... We are suppose to send Aaron off. We took a cab and fly down, in the end... guess what! We got the wrong terminal, all thanks to Lucas.... hahaha. (Okay please don't feel bad. I forgave you.) I make the present till like 2.30am for 3-4 days, and now I got to air mail there. That's like freaking sad. Nevermind. On thursday I was wondering what a 'GREAT' day it will be on friday. Yet, it turned out like that. WHY IS EVERYTHING GOING WRONG AT THIS POINT OF TIME???

On sunday, it was such a funny day. Lucas was known to be the 'handsome guy' for the rest of the day. Or maybe the rest of the month. Haha. But you must be honoured that Pastor Kong say it in front of 8,000 people that you are sooo handsome. Haha. Then we went to fellowship. It's was okay... just that we are not sitting together again. The rest of the day with Gloria is so freaking funny. We did alot of stupid things. Suppose to study and we end up talking. All thanks to..... GLORIA CHEW!!! For your information, she is already black listed by me for studying together. Never am I going to study with you again. Hahaha. When we are leaving Macs, something happened, and I screamed sooo loud that everyone turned and looked. I feel so embarrased, my whole face was so red, that Gloria say it was as red as the chair that she almost cannot see me. Haha. Zi wei was there, and she say she thought someone got murdered or something. Hahaha. We were like joke of the day. Went rollerblading in the evening, the wind is so strong that it feels like I am moving backwards. Haha. Then my aunt's house, what I never expexted is that my uncle gave me $50. I know some of you will say "I thought he every week also give you". Ya... but normally I will go praying tha God will speak to my uncle. Haha. But I didn't do that yesterday. That's why I always say God work in ways we never know. Haha.

Today, my mum went to school wanting to get back my phone. Yet that stupid Ng, say that I smsed her and she felt harassed. HELLO... it's like only one message! That's called harassed??? For goodness sake, she is an English teacher, does she know the meaning of harassed? Then she told my mum she wanted to return me today but she got harassed. She told me she will return in a COUPLE OF WEEKS. See.... how different teachers are in front of the parents. She even made my mum wait. Now she tell my mum that she will return it in 2 weeks time. which is next friday. FINE. Better than 1 month. It's just next friday. I'm trying to be optimistic. But the thing that she doesn't know is that, I got a dozens of spare phones and SIM cards. So it doesn't really matter for just that 2 weeks. But there is a miracle that happened, Ng actually told my mum that I am improving alot and more focus in class! WHOA! That's like soooo amazing. I am being sarcastic. She better not spoil or scratch my phone. My heart will break to like a thousand pieces.

My honey pie. Sugar brother. My soulmate. Dearest Homemate. Dearest Girl. *****' honey baby. ******'s handsome guy. ***'s darling. ******'s love rival. My piggy sister. The princess. My Baker. All purpose 'Advisor' (Advicer?). Best Guy Ever. Don't pick up. 'My first love, forever you will be...' Gloria, you know what I am talking about. Haha. All the best peeps. Love you.

relieved refreshed recharged

The only thing that had been good is cell gorup meeting. It's not just good actually, it's EXTREMLY GOOD! I believe that alot of locks in my heart had been opened. All the hurts, hated and daisppointment will be gone. I am very glad that Gloria came. You came at the right one. Really happy that you responded to God. haha. Hope you will continue to come and know more about Him and feel His love. To add on, come for the right reason please... I know what you are thinking. Haha. I mean it. Seriuosly. Anyway... I am not serving this week. Come earlier than we have breakfast. That is if you can wake up that early. haha. Okay see you tomorrow. Cheers!

My dearest Brother-in-Christ

To Mr act cool

Thank you...
For the close friedship
For being there when I needed the most
For talking till 4am
For all chit-chatting
For always saying I am the prettly lil sister
For cherishing this friednship
For all the love you gave
For every single second spent with me
For celebrating all my birthdays
For putting that great effort
For being the best brother
For breakfast, lunch, dinner & supper
For giving me advices
For bringing me out of darkness
For teaching me Math & Chem
For always taking care of me
For all the blessings
For the shoulder you lent
For your listening ear
For changing me to be a better person
For sharing things about you with me
For treating me like your best friend
For appreciating every single thing I do
For encouraging me
For sharing the joy and sorrows we encountered
For brightening up my life/ day.
Just want to tell you how much I appreciate it.

Yours truly,
Raine-swee

Cherishing

I want to cherish every single one of you right now. Especially people like Gloria, Elizabeth, Li Jia, Stephanie, Angeline, Larry, Ming Xun. I can't imagine. When we will start walking on our own paths. Going seperate ways. Living different lives with no connections. All I have is you guys now, what will happen if I am gone? I don't know how long more I will be here. Just want to say how much I appreciate you guys, how much I love every single one of you, and every single thing you have done in my life. I would miss you guys so much. Although it's kind of early to say this, but I can't predict the future. I rather I say it now. Then regret in the future. We might still be friends; or enermies. You never know. I really hope that even after I leave, my dearest 2 girls will still stay with God and walk the rest of your lives with Him.

who is who?

Eye of gold,
thigh of blue.
True or false,
who is who?

HIGH FOREVER MORE

I AM stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck I have no freaking idea what to write........ stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck I rememered I had soooo much I wanted to say and yet now I am stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck I don't know how to put it to words stuck stuck stuck I am freaking stuck...... darling stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck.

I fold them till my hand hurts like i don't know what. I only know that when I play guitar my skin will become hard. I didn't know floding this will result in hard skin too. Haha. The feeling is exactly the same like after playing the guitar for a long period of time. I think I got to start wearing plasterS. But if I wear them I can't fold. My hands will be too huge to fold. Haha. GOD MOISTURE MY FINGERS. haha.

I.....AM.....SO........STUCK...........IN..........THE.........HOLIDAY............MOOD.
STILL............IN...............SLEEPING.............SHOPPING................PLAYING.......MODE.

CAN SOMEONE FIND THE STUDY MODE PLEASE? IT'S I THINK.... SOMEWHERE INSIDE MY BRAIN. I NEED A SURGEON. BADLY. HEEEE =D. I THINK I AM IN THE HIGH MODE TOO. I HAD NO IDEA WHY. HAHAHAHAHA. JUST FEEL LIKE LAUGHING THE WHOLE ENTIRE DAY. HAHA. JUST SEEMS THAT THE AIR TO LAUGH IS STUCK IN MY CHEST AND I GOT TO LAUGH IT OUT. HAHAHAHAHAHA. GET WHAT I MEAN? I AM IN THE HHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH MODE. SUPER DOPER HIGH. I THINK I FOLD TOO MUCH AND IT SORT OF AFFECTS MY BRAIN. HEHEHE. SORRY IF IT CAUSES YOU TO TURN HIGH TOO. I WONT TAKE ANY RESPONSIBILITY. LOOOOVVVVEEE YOUUU GUYSSSS. OOOOOHHHHH LAAAA LAAA OHHH LA LA.

Renewal

Joy renewed?
Love renewed?
Peace renewed?
Passion renewed?
Spirit renewed?
All renewed.

I don't want to leave You.
It would break my heart and Yours.
Draw me closer to You.
Not to lose hope,
not to give up.
Help me to continue to fight on with You.

Jesus, with all my heart.
I just want to say.
I love You.

To my dearest

Girl, I am stumbled.
I have no idea what else can I do.
For you.
I tried and tried and tried.
Did all I can,
went all out.
Your response was, "Don't go all out for me to stay".
These words hit so hard.

The best I can do,
is to pray harder and fast more for you,
hoping God will touch your heart once again.
I just want to be there to be a listener,
to all you are going to say.
Be there when you cry,
when you need comfort.

God, give me your strength and grace.
That I'll never lose hope on her.
I teared, and teared.
Won't You come and touch her once again.
Renew her love God.
It will break your heart and hers,
to be apart from each other.

Living for You

Cell group today was GREAT GREAT GREAT! Super super long don't have this kind of cell group meeting already. I seriously miss that kind of presence. When God really comes into you and do a work in your heart, changing you a better person, scaring all the devil off when they think how powerful they are, until they realise who really rules over my life. Felt so good today, more than words can express.

There's nothing better than living for You
Than saving my world with You
There's nothing better
Than praising Your Name and lifting my praise
I want to spend forever
Standing in Your Presence
I want to show You, what You mean to me God
I give You my whole life
I've got to tell You, I'm Yours forver
Lord I give my whole life
And when my world is falling down
In You I will be found
I'm staying in Your arms today
Always, always and forever

After the tour.

After the tour, I went to save xiao en's life. You must thank me k? haha. But it was such a fun day. I don't know how to explain the incident. Xiao en I promise it's so funny. First time I see a girl like you, just because of that you are so freaked out?! It wasn't that bad. haha. Sorry can't watch movie with you. Don't want to rush. haha.

Ming Xun called to talk after that. Can't imagine we talked for so long. It's more than 2 and a half hours. Anyway, I am still in shocked that your ex- cg member is from SJI. haha. He is one funny guy though. Just like you. Talk to him for like 1 and a half hours on the phone. First time talking to someone I never seen before for so long! Kinda cool. Light produces light. Haha I will forever remember that one.

Childhood times

Went to accompany Gloria in the big fat early morning. I am so sorry I was late for 45mins. But I got stomach-ache, so must understand. haha. We were so bored. We walked from heeren to far east for FOUR TIMES. We were in town from 11am to 7pm. For once I find town is so super boring and small. Went to the 2 different toys rus, paragon and forum. Paragon has more things to do. The deepest memory of Forum, is their super super slow escalator. It's shorter than the normal escalator, but it took 1 min to travel up or down (we timed). As for normal escalator, it's 25s. So much difference! We actually sit on the escalator and talk. haha. We took lots of photos there. Let me bring you on a tour of swee's & gloria's day out.




Whose eyes are bigger? MINE.... you wish!



Punishing him for tripping me thrice, and making Gloria laughed at me.



o.O Gloria... who is it from? Or who you wish it's from? haha. AHEM!



Ahhhhh.... so sweet! Guess who?



My cute little skirt!



Next pose. =D



Oh wow... I so cannot see barbie. Can you? Or am I just blind? haha.



Cute bunch of people. Including me! haha. =p



Loving cookie monster and elmo... so cute.



They are eating me up... AHHHHH!



Big eyes.... OOOOOOoo.



BIGGY DOG!



Having difficulties puting it back.



AHEM! God & Jesus.



Gloria... who is that AHEM x5 ah? opps =X.



Lovely hat.



Too big for my head.



Playing like a kid on the 'computer'.



Taking off. I believe I can fly!



Still stuck here. Too heavy. haha.



Missing those merry-go-round.



"chi gao chi gao" GO!



Forever friendship!



Weird looking coin changer machine. BIG TEETH.



I am already in the clouds.



Stare.... O.o



My future sportscar and cute boyfriend. ooooo...



My jumper! cool!



Under the sea... in a submarine. Amazingly I can fit in there.







THE END.
Your lovely tourguide,
Swee-raine

Changes

I seems to remember those times
that I asked myself all those questions.
How much of it is real,
and who is being truthful?

After so much changes in life,
I seriously don't know the answers to it.
All these times I had been wondering,
what could have brought all these changes?
I know for sure,
that I don't have to know.

Doesn't the friendship mean anything?
Or is it just me being the one,
loving it.
Not wanting to believe that all these are fake,
and how much people are into acting.

It had already come to a point,
where I have no idea whether I should trust or not to trust.
Even it's the closest friendship.
Maybe I am just too afraid,
to face the reality...
That formed a wall.

To bother or not to bother,
think and seek for it or not?
Although I need it,
I'm craving for it.
But it all just seems to be so far apart... too far.

Introduction, Acquaintance, Friendships & Intimacy.
I don't know how to differentiate,
who belongs where.

Are friends just used when they have their value,
after that?
Being throwed aside like the trash in my room?
I don't know how to do that.
I want to treat them real.
I don't know what other changes there will be.

As feelings take over my heart,
thoughts filling my mind.
Just feel like I just had a Breezer.
Dwelling in Michael Buble's "Home",
filling into the quiet gaps,
Singing to myself everywhere.
"I Just Wanna Go Home!"

Flash Backs

All the long I thought it doesn't matter.
Everything seems to go smoothly.
I thought I had got over it.
But when you dig it up,
I realise it's still there.

When Pastor Kong preach about the key opening his soul,
and when he think about his past,
his mind was blank.
It reminds me of my myself.
I started weeping.

I realise the deepest things in my heart,
that I thought I won't even remember,
had came back to my mind.
The flash backs before 14 years old.

I cried and cried and cried.

As I came back to sense,
I realise that I am already very, very blessed.
People who are poorer, or not so loved,
would rather be in my position.
Regardless financially or emotionally,
I am very blessed already.
Thank God foreverything that you had planned.

Week Plan

GOAL OF THE WEEK

sleep before 12! (top piority)

not to buy any things

focus on my studies EVERYDAY

rollerblade for at least one day

eat less

REMINDER OF THE WEEK

God always always comes first!

Quote for my dreams

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

- John Barrymore

Love Quote

Love is the beauty of the soul.

- Saint Augustine