Do I sound like I hated you alot?
Cause I REALLY DO! I hate you!!!
I'm not just angry, more like disappointed and sad.
Do you know when I say I hate you, my heart cries.
But I will never allow myself to shed a tear for a person like you.
JERK!

I totally give up. I promise I'll never ever let myself go that deep ever again. I don't want to drown myself, again. It really hurts, like a knife just went through my heart. I don't even want to give myself another sparkle of hope, cause I know very sure, that all I'd get back, is disappointment. I decided to be in the darkness, and I will never step out, unless it's all lit up, and not just a small tiny sparkle.



Cause it's just all imaginary.

darkness,

Swee

List of things I got to complete by TODAY:
Biology 5-year series
Math exercise 2c
Math exercise 3b
Chinese compre corrections
Chinese continual for my compo
STUDY FOR GEOGRAPHY TEST!

In need of time!
I totally dislike upgrading, The noise is deafening.

I hate it when I've got the money but I got no time for shopping.
I hate it when I've got to do my shopping on weekends.
I hate it when there's only a few hours for shopping.
I hate it when all my plans got to change and compromise for other things.
I hate it when time seems to pass so fast, but the actions are still slow.
I hate it when I whines and bitch.
I hate it when work are piling up and the teachers don't even seem to bother.
I hate it when they say they will do whatever they can to help, but nothing seems to change.
I hate it when I feel so empty inside and so alone.
I hate it when my world is crashing down.
I hate it when I am controlled.
I hate it when I'm rebellious.
I hate it when I got to take cabs and waste money.
I hate it when I am fat.
I hate it when people doesn't care at all.
I hate it when I have no idea who are my true friends.
I hate it when I want to say "fuck".
I hate it when I am getting emotional.
I hate it when music controls my feelings, cause it changes so quickly, that I've got no time to react to my feelings.
I hate it when I'm feeling so sick and yet I got to drag myself to school.
I hate it when people never last in my life.
I hate it when I have no idea what I'm doing.
I hate it when you got to dig into the bottom of my heart.
I hate it when no one is giving me a chance, and all they're doing is digging your past, judging you by who you are last time.
I hate it when Siva picks on me, like hello~ who does she thinks she is? I didn't even do anything wrong, what's her problem!
I hate it when I've got bad hair day.
I hate it when my house is undergoing upgrading, it's so freaking dusty and noisy. I can't stand dust, it's like my biggest enemy ever, like the second Satan.
I hate it when I got so many things to do and yet people just keep on asking me to do things, and I hate it when I can't reject them!
I hate it when so many things are packed together like shit.
I hate it when there's only 24 hours per day, 7 days per week, 30days per month. Lack of time!
I hate it when I can't sleep early.
I hate it when I feel so helpless.
I hate it when I don't get enough sleep.
I hate it when all I want to do, is to sit down, and cry.
I hate it when I don't get to read my favourite book.
I hate it when I can't eat even if I'm really hungry.
I hate it when you're so unreasonable.
I hate it when I am not doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
I hate it when I got eye bags and dark rings and tummy.
I hate it when I don't get to skate.
I hate it when I'm sick.
I hate it when I find that life sucks to the core!


I hate it when I am like this.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA!!

Sometimes when I look at you, I just feel like crying. It just seems that you're so lonely and no one seems to bother. But I never manage to tell you how much I love and cherish you. I'm sorry. The best I can do now, is to stop all the shoutings towards you. I LOVE YOU GRANDMA! Thanks for everything.

Love truly,

Swee

You threw love into the canyon of death.
And trust me,
it'll never revive again.

Just get out.

The first day of Dr.A.R.Bernard's service.
He preached about "Value". Our value. I didn't exactly go with a heart of expectancy; I wasn't prepared to receive anything THAT powerful. I just went, hoping for a breakthrough. I was so amazed by what God was changing in me, even as Dr.A.R.Bernard was preaching, I started weeping. He said, "If you do not know who you are, you will tend to imitate others." Which I find it so true. I always tried to be someone I'm not, cause to me, I am nothing valuable. I thought I didn't mean anything. Until he said, "God will NEVER value you the way people do, people value you by their emotions, by what you've done to them, but God does not value you by that." All these while, all I bothered was, what others say I am, which was what I thought I was. But now, I realized, I'm not what people say I am, at all. God knows who I truly am. My greatest value in life, is my value in God. Something that really impacted me was, "No matter how many mistakes I had, even if I had fallen short of His glory, my value in God DOESN'T CHANGE! I am still who I am in God, my value in Him was never shaken." I tell myself, I'm not worth God's love, I don't deserve it. I had done so many wrong things, had rejected, disappointed, turn my back towards Him, so, many, times. I didn't have the courage to go back to Him, I didn't know how to face God, I felt small. As Dr.A.R.Bernard said those words, I can't control myself, I broke down and cry. Suddenly, I sense the power of God working in me, the power of forgiveness and assurance. No matter how much I had disappointed him, my value in Him wasn't even shaken.


I am God's workmanship. My value to God was so great that He will not leave me in trouble, He will never forsake the works of His own hands. There and then, I know, even as I was in my deepest valley, He was there to make sure I can climb out of it, I am capable enough to get on my feet again. Cause He will never abandon the works of His own hands.


As I was walking down to the altar, God said to me, "You mean e-very-thing, EVERYTHING to Me." "Never allow anyone or anything to shake or decrease your value! Don't allow anyone that say you are incapable of doing anything, you can't do anything great, you don't have a future, to forget what you truly value to Me. You might not be good enough in their eyes, but you are good enough for Me, valuable in my eyes. I am here to give you your hope and future." "Swee, you are everything to me."


I stepped out of that shadow I used to live in.

every single moment.
but, I always end up in disappointment.

HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY PEARLYN!!!

Thanks for always being such a great friend, for walking home with me all the time, accompany me to wherever I wanted to go. Cam-whoring, bitching, fooling around, gossiping, shopping, eating together, walking home after school, flying skirts everywhere, being mean to one another, complain about all the annoying teachers and work that got to be done, make-ups, manicure and pedicure, cutting hair, hearing me rant, checking out cute guys, talking about all the nerds, bengs and lians that are everywhere, how our school is becoming so gross, and the list will go on and on. We just did so many things together in this 4 years. I really LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I can't imagine the journey home without you when we leave secondary school. We must go into the same school and take Accounting k? So we can continue doing all the things we are doing now, and let the list go on. Haha.

You're the best man. Rock on girl! And yes, I know you can go clubbing now, you can like stop saying it in front of me, thinking I would be jealous. Cause... I WON'T! Are you disappointed? Haha. BIG HUGS AND KISSES!

Love Always

Swee =)

(Your home-mate)

You're beautiful but you don't know
Can't see whats there inside your soul
Always feeling like you're not good enough
You wish you could be someone else
Sometimes you just can't see yourself
But I can see just who you are, who you are

You're exceptional the way you are
Don't need to change for nobody
You're incredible, anyone can see that
When will you believe that?
You are nothing but exceptional
(Yeah)

You never think you measure up
Never smart or cool, or pretty enough
Always feeling different from all the rest, oh
You feel so out of place, you think you don't fit in
I think you're perfect in the skin you're in
You're just perfect just how you are, just how you are, yeah

You're exceptional the way you are
Don't need to change for nobody
You're incredible, anyone can see that
When will you believe that?
You are nothing but exceptional

If you could see the one I see when I see you
You'd know how lucky you are to be you
I see through into you
And you are

You're exceptional the way you are
Don't need to change for nobody
You're incredible, anyone can see that
When will you believe that? (You are)
You're exceptional the way you are
Don't need to change for nobody
You're incredible, anyone can see that
When will you believe that?
You are nothing but exceptional


I know I'll never be good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, slim enough, loving enough, for anyone. I am not seeking for perfection, but just trying to be good enough for just one person... That would be enough.

"Swee, will you cast everything aside and follow Me?"
"(I wanted to say YES I WILL! But...) I don't know."
"Why?"
"I'm not sure whether I will get use to the lack of freedom."
"Swee, I'm disappointed."
"I know. So am I."

This is so UNFAIR! I was viewing ZARA's website, and I saw the outlets in other countries. Their stores are like SO MUCH BIGGER than our pathetic small tiny ones. Even our biggest ZARA can't even compare to their smallest ones.

Today was just simply G-R-E-A-T-! Everything seems to go well, I'm talking about my mind and soul. I feel that, the "me" is coming back. I was really tired today, as I'm typing this, my eyes are closing.

Was reading my past months posts. I found one on the 8 November 2006:

"The darker it gets. the brighter it is."
As the night falls, it gets darker and darker but yet, the light seems to get brighter and brighter. Somehow it just encourages me. The deeper I am in darkness, the more God will show himself. He will be the light that guide me through the dark valley. The tougher things get, God will show me more of His ways. So no matter in what circumstances, He will definatly be there.

This really really encouraged me ALOT! It's just the point of time when I needed it the most. The deeper the valley, the stronger I got to be, and when I climb out of it. I will grow tougher and stronger. I know I will. Trusting and believe.

There's just too much to say and express, and words can't explain how it's like. Therefore I am just going to simply put it in 3 words... Thank you God. Just by this 3 words, it made me wept.


I LET GO OF EVERYTHING!!!

And... I feel free and joyful once again. Colours came back into my life, smiles back to my face! Everything of me is renewed and restored! My love for You grew stronger and it will never ever fade. I'm going to rock this world like never before.


THANK YOU SO SO MUCH! I will be tenacious, and continue this tough journey with You.

Just ONE MORE STEP!
-i believe

renew and restore my everything

I don't know who to call. I have people in mind. But I can't put myself to make them feel more burden.

I FOUND SO MANY NICE EMO PICTURES!!! I LOVEEEEE THEM! I will upload them next time when I am in the mood to.


I am so filled with confusion. This few days I don't know who I am, I feel that I am so lost, in a world that I don't belong. All my emotions are like locked up. I feel that my joy is gone. That's something that is so important so precious to me, my joy is something that keep my life going. But now, it feels that it's all gone. ALL, not a single bit is left. I am tired. Really tired. I really want to cry out. Yet, there's this wall that I can sense I'm building up. To prevent myself, from getting hurt, from getting lost, from getting disappointed. Talking about disappointment, I don't know what God really wants for me now. Does He ever know how much I need Him in my life. I don't want, DON'T WANT to build up this wall in me, I want to be the Swee Min I used to be. I miss those smiles and laughters that come from my heart, that are so real and true. I want to find myself. Although the times when I am with people that are close to be, I am real to them, all the smiles and insanity I put up are real. Other than that I don't know who I am.


Missing myself...

Kind of don't know what to write. So... let the pictures do the talking. Some are new-found ones today, some are old ones. Enjoy my emotion tour.


























THE END ;)

I want to put a STOP to whatever I am doing now. I just want to slow down things. Although I know my emotions and mind can't slow down, matter fact, it's going so fast like a race car, there's no way it can stop. But I know I can slow down my actions. No matter how much I want to do it, I got to control myself. I don't want to end up like that car, going too fast, till it hurts no one, but yourself. I am just leaving a little spark for a little hope.






random pic.


Loneliness became a habit
Habit replying on one alone
All the memories I should get rid of
They shouldn't be by my side
Accompanying me through every night

I just want to breathe softly into the sky
Looking for where my true love is
In chaos
I'm looking high and low for my memories
There's this love that used to stay in me
Being with me through the soundless tears
Not able to understand love
Makes my heart weak

Actually I'm very awake
Actually I'm very calm
Looking at tears that are already landing on my palms

My heart is weaken
every moment

written by
swee

My house area is undergoing the upgrading process, and it's VERY noisy and dusty. I can't even concentrate on my work! Need to get out and go somewhere else.




I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours


All this time
Since the day that I was born
I've never known a time like this
I don't wanna let You down

I am so so so going crazy. All the work are killing me. I don't know how. I really wished that someone is here with me, right beside me. I am not talking about like parents and stuff you know, not physical, but when I know I got something bad happening to me and I can't cope. I know there's someone I can call to cry at. But apparently, who is awake at this point of time? Who will be willing to wake up and hear me cry and rant?

There's this sadness and loneliness in my heart. Not that I am exactly lonely, but the close friends I have, I know I can't share my burden with. I will be making him/her more burdened. While tears of stress are squeezing out, I am desperate for someone near me.

Apparently, who would or can stay forever. There's no guarantee. Not a single one can ever promise that they can stay forever. No one can ever predict what will happen the next moment. Only God. If there's anyone who would stay throughout, let me know again then.

18 FACTS ABOUT GIRLS:

1. Girls THINK WAY too MUCH! 1 SMALL thing a guy does can make her think about it for hours wondering what the hell it meant! (true)

2. CUTE GUYS ARE A GIRL'S WEAKNESS even if they're jerks. (depends)

3. When a girl gets angry easily, she either wants somebody to talk to, or is on her period. So I suggest you wait a while before you get mean! (not true, when I get angry, I want to scream and cry and knowing that someone is with me.)

4. Be a true friend & stand up for them when people are messing with them! Because if you don't they'll be ticked off later. (I guess. I didn't really experiance this much.)

5. Girls hate hearing about a guy's ex... no matter what the occasion! (very true)

6. IF your BFF (that's a girl) seems to avoid you, or seems upset when y'all chat, she's probably jealous of your new gf & likes you! (Depends. Sometimes the girl is just angry that her friendship with the guy friend is not that close anymore. RIGHT LARRY? Haha!)

7. WHEN A GIRL STARES AT YOU for MORE THAN 3 seconds- SHE LIKES YOU! (Although Tim thinks it's a highly doubt, I think it's very likely to be true. Ha! Girl's and guy's view)

8. Girls love chit-chatting on the phone, they find it more meaningful than chatting online! (Uh-huh. It's just nice to talk over the phone okay?!)

9. GIRLS DON'T LIKE players & will often seek revenge! If you're a player, steer clear of most girls! (Ya. So guys, don't ever try it.)

10. If you like a girl & you think she likes you back... go for it! Girls often hide there feelings until the guy makes the 1st move! But if you get together, don't try to make 1st move on everything. In a strong relationship, girls like to have dominance. (Haha. THIS IS VERY TRUE. Most girls always hide their feelings and never make the first move. And if you're wondering, Yes, I am one of the most.)

11. Girlfriends need to hear that they are still needed & cared about everyday! (Obviously!)

12. GIRLS HATE IT WHEN a guy suddenly switches topics. (I'm fine with it. But if it's on something serious, then I'll hate it.)

13. Girls need affection, even in front of a guy's friends... a simple smile would work! (Totally agree.)

14. GIRLS GET TONGUE-TIED & EMBARRASSED in front of a guy they really like. (Guys too.)

15. Girls may appear open about their feelings, but are really hiding a lot! (YES. Not exactly alot, but just ABIT?)

16. Girls hate it when you admire her BFF or any girl for that matter even if she's helping you all get together! (I am pretty fine with it.)

17. If a girl flirts with another guy but continually glances at you, she's probably doing it to get your attention & make you jealous!

18. Girls want to hear that they're beautiful.

taken from Tim's blog.

I was just thinking, if it happens that I am feeling very down in the middle of the night, who would come all the way down to find me? Just to be by my side.

I know Larry and Elizabeth would. You guys had really gone through tears and smiles with me all this time, love you LOTS!

I'm starting to miss my previous cg. More and MORE. True friendships were built, love was exchanged. It was more than just members, taking care of them, it's more like a family. Taking care of each other, getting into each other's life. I really miss those times. When we would accompany each other to Sentosa, shopping, movies, dinner, lunch, etc.

Those friendships are so precious to me. But now, everyone had gone their seperate ways, living their own lives. The reason why I still miss my previous cg and why I'm still dwelling in it and not moving on, it's because I'm not experiancing the better. Not at all.

Is it very difficult to build new and strong friendships? Who would ever be willing to be a true friend? Sometimes I'm really jealous of those people with a big group of close friends, that will be there to encourage them, pull them up, walk with them through their journey. I cherish all that I have now, every friend. But, strong friendships are so difficult to build, it take two willing hearts to establish it. Not just one.

All these are making me wonder,
what life am I living.
With different people revolving all the time,
Who would ever stay till the end?



Oh man. I am too lazy and tired to start on my chinese work. There's just so so much to do, that I am sick to start. I have this urge to not go school tomorrow. But... I am afraid it would leave a bad record. Teach me how please?! I am so dead and yet, I am doing quizzes now, like as if I am so free that I've got nothing to do. The fact is, I've got TONS to be done BY TOMORROW!

You Are Cheesecake

Rich, sweet, and simply perfect.You're not boring - you're just the best!

What Dessert Are You Most Like?

IT'S JUST SO ME! CHEESECAKES = L-O-V-E-S

I LOVE CHEESECAKES LIKE CRAZY!

You Are an "It Girl"

You're outgoing, friendly, and charismatic. You are aware of your image, and you are constantly improving yourself. You're definitely the type of girl people love to be around!

Are You An "It Girl"?

OH! Is that true? Haha.

Your PMS Disaster Level: Low

You have a little PMS every now and then, but it's not bad at all. No one probably notices except you.

Are You a PMS Disaster?

PEOPLE!!! I am not a PMS-er. Lol.

You Should Shop at Delia's

Youthful, playful, and colorful clothes - with a good dose of style

What Store Matches Your Style?

This reminds me of DELA! =)

Your Celebrity Boob Twin:

Paris Hilton

Who's Your Celebrity Boob Twin?

Oh great! Of all people, why Paris Hilton?! This makes me... Unspeakable. Haha.

You Are Mostly Secure

In general, you feel confident and together. But the wrong thing can happen, and all of a sudden, you're not feeling so secure. Luckily, your insecurities don't last long... at least, not usually. So the next time you're feeling insecure, try to snap out of it - and remember the confident woman you are!

Are You Insecure?

Cool huh?

You Go For Brains!

You want a guy with a big... brain. And of course it would be nice if he were a total hottie, but you're not counting on it. What's on the inside is what counts for you. (Besides, you can always change the outside later!)

Do You Go For Brains or Body?

I so didn't know that!

You Don't Need a Man, but You Want One!

You like having a guy in your life, and overall, you prefer not to be single. You won't go out with a guy out of desperation.. you rather be alone. However, when you're single, you do tend to obsess a little over dating. Because no matter how good your single life is, it's better with a great guy around.

Do You Need a Man?

I can't deny that. It's mostly true.

You Should Wear a Yellow Bikini

Like the sun, you radiate warmth and brighten up everyone's day. And while a yellow bikini is a bit strange, you have the perky personality to wear one!

What Color Bikini Should You Wear?

Yellow?? I never wear yellow. It makes me look sick.

You Are 18% Fake

Fake doesn't even come close to describing you. You're totally natural, and proud of who you really are!

How Fake Are You?

Look! I'm real. Not wearing a mask.

You Are 30% Bitchy

You're a pretty sweet person, and you're definitely not prone to bitchy outbursts. Sometimes, though, you can't help thinking mean thoughts about people. But at least you don't act on them!

How Bitchy Are You?

Ain't I such a nice girl? Haha.

You are a Playful Date

Your dating philosophy? "Fun first, romance later" You rather scream on a roller coaster... Then stare in to some guy's eyes over dinner. Guys to look for: Men with humorous profiles and quirky interests Sure that business suit guy may look boring... But if he likes snowball fights, give him a try

What Kind of Date Are You?

I didn't know I would rather scream on a roller coaster.

Lol. Snowball fights? That's fun.

You Are A Pretty Good Date!

You're kind, considerate, and usually a great date Occasionally, you slip up - but who doesn't? Just make sure to keep everything light and friendly And you'll be asked out again in no time

Are You a Good Date?

My goodness. I can't imagine how many quizzes I did. I had done alot but I only posted some.

Oh man. I am seriously not considering to start my work. I intend to ask my mummy to pick me up during recess time so I can skip Chinese. Haha. Okay I know I may look like I am being a bad student. But I seriously don't know what else to do.

MY CHINESE NEW YEAR SHOPPING-LIST IS OUT!!!

1. Denim Skirt
2. Long-sleeve top
3. Tube (long & short)
4. Leather Belt
5. Pumps
6. Shoes
7. Jacket
8. Bag
9. Accessories
10. Tops

the not-as-important ones
11. Jeans
12. Shades
13. Clutch
14. Heels
15. Ed-Hardy top
16. Bare-back
17. Khaki Shorts

Not sure how much I'll get for CNY shopping yet, but my mummy say she will give me $200. I guess my daddy will give at least $100, then uncle and aunt $100 each. That means I can get at least $500 for just purely SHOPPING!!!! WOAH THIS ROCKS MY WORLD MAN! Can't wait for 19 more days. After all the homework that is killing me, this is my reward, a pretty great reward! HA! CHINESE NEW YEAR ROCKS!!!



- 13 days =)

I lie awake at night
See things in black and white
I've only got you inside my mind
You know you have made me blind

I lie awake and pray
That you will look my way
I have all this longing in my heart
I knew it right from the start

Oh my pretty pretty boy I love you
Like I never ever loved no one before you
Pretty pretty boy of mine
Just tell me you love me too
Oh my pretty pretty boy I need you
Oh my pretty pretty boy I do
Let me inside
Make me stay right beside you

I used to write your name
And put it in a frame
And sometime I think I hear you call
Right from my bedroom wall

You stay a little while
And touch me with your smile
And what can I say to make you mine
To reach out for you in time

Oh my pretty pretty boy I love you
Like I never ever loved no one before you
Pretty pretty boy of mine
Just tell me you love me too
Oh my pretty pretty boy I need you
Oh my pretty pretty boy I do
Let me inside
Make me stay right beside you

Oh pretty boy
Say you love me too

So tired and stressed. Had been doing work non-stop today. I stayed abck in school to do the English holiday homework. Until now, I've only done, Biology and English comic's. Still got 6 Chinese compositions, 4 Chinese articles, 2 Chinese compres, Geography worksheet. Currently working on my English project now. The comic strips thing really took me a long time. I am not going to bother about Chinese already, just going to do it during the weekends. All I want to complete now is my English project and Geography work. Help!!!

Got the urge to call someone to talk, at least I know I am not alone. Haha. Quite dumb huh?
Sick and stress.
God will provide a way for me. So no worries! =)

Don't bother about the rubbish I said in the past 2 posts. Haha. I was just being crazy.

I really really want to study. I am DES-PER-ATE to study. Therefore, I promised myself, tomorrow, by hook or by crook, I got to start studying before 5pm. If not, I got to treat Jacky a meal, to satisfy his food cravings, and it will definatly burn my pocket. Apart from that, I really do want to study! PLEASE SOMEONE NICE OUT THERE. Go and study with me. Haha. But I will still choose the people that I want to go with. Opps.

School. school. sch...ool. Sick!

I want to go SHOPPING!!!

Now let's try 9. I know I am being paranoid. But... I still want to know. I never believed in luck, that's why I want to see what God has to say.

Okay, you made it before 6. Therefore, I guessed now she's messed up.

Came home and shoved all my things in my room. Ate my packet of chicken rice and started to read my book "Vegan Virgin Valentine", it's really a nice book. I had been moving from place to place. Lying on my couch, to flat on my bed. Room is in a mess. Wasn't in the mood to pack till I finished my book, now I am sorting out stuff. Promised to start work at 6, but guessed I am going to break it. Haha.

Looking forward to get the book "Love and other f*** letter words". Okay, I've asked for opinions and thoughts, some are positive some are not. So is it JF or... what? I don't know. End of topic.

Still... WILL YOU TAKE WHAT'S LEFT OF ME?

If you don't... before 6. That's it. I give up! JF.

Not again?! That's all I am left to say.

Came back from school, was so tired after eating, I went to bed and took a nap. I wanted to go parkway to study, but alone? Haha. I don't really care of looking like a loner as long as I get to study, but... it still feels "lone". I need a study partner who can go and study with me anytime anywhere! I can't concentrate at home, I will never start my work! *sigh*

Still brooding over "WILL YOU TAKE WHAT'S LEFT OF ME? WILL YOU? WILL YOU? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S LEFT OF ME. BUT WILL YOU STILL TAKE IT?" Every moment I think about I just want to weep, but there are so many people around, I can't just turned into a cry baby. So... I ended up stonning! What a grool idea. (grool = great + cool)

I would give up everything
before I'd seperate
Myself from you
After so much suffering
I finaly found unvarnished truth
I was all by myself for the longest time
So cold inside
And the hurt from the heartache
Would not subside
I felt like dying
Until you saved my life

Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Sweet baby
I'm so thankful I found you

I will give you everything
There's nothing in the world
I wouldn't do
To insure your happiness
I cherish every part of you
'Cause without you beside me
I can't survive
Don't want to try
If you're keeping me warn
Each and every night
I'll be alright
'Cause I need you in my life

See I was so desolate
Before you came to me
Looking back I guess
It shows that we were
Destined to shine
After the rain
To appreciate
The gift of what we have
And go through it all
Over again
To be able to feel this way

I feel like tearing again. I just felt like crying the whole day, not mentioning the past 2 days. I really need a hug! BADLY! *sigh* Thank you, you, you, you, you, you and YOU! Thank God I have you here.

Everywhere I go
Trying all my might to avoid
The truth
that you are not there with me anymore
All I am handling now
is your flesh

When will you actually open yourself up to me
What more do I have to do
Just to see a real smile from you
For me sense that you're being real

I want to get deep into you
I want to know your real self
not the one you are showing now
You never ever shared
You will never break that wall
You're just so fake!


I MISS SHOPPING!
I MISS THE BEACH!


true love?

no idea.

I got all sentimental the whole night.

NO MATTER WHAT IS LEFT, NO MATTER HOW BROKEN IT IS. WILL YOU TAKE WHAT'S LEFT, WILL YOU TAKE WHAT'S LEFT, WILL YOU TAKE WHAT'S LEFT OF ME? WILL ANYONE TAKE, THE ONLY PART THAT I AM LEFT WITH?

I found out something, that I will be irritated the moment I can't get into the house, even if it's my fault that I'm the one who didn't bring the keys. That's the only thing I get frustrated about in one second.

Really sick... I feel like eating porridge! Okay that was random.

I am really glad that you are staying, although it's because of me, but at least you stayed. I wish during this period of time, you will find the true meaning of staying. It means everything to me. Thanks girl. Love always.

I want....
Long Necklace with abit of bling =)
Leather wristband (nice nice one)
Denim Skirt
Topshop Yellow Tanktop
Nice Tube tops!!!
Pumps

Will you take what's left of me? Will you take what's left of me? Will you take what's left of me?

You are making my emotions run. I can't take this. I don't know what exactly you want. But I know I still love you. I can't live without you. If you asked me not to make you stay because of me, as you would. Then I rather you stay because of me. I want you back so much, I can't stand the way we try to pretend everything is alright. Tired... very. I am crying every single second I can, the moment I am alone, tears start drowning my heart. I can't focus on anything, I hardly spoke a word in the day. I don't what else I can do.

I am amazed by how we acted like nothing had happened, when deep inside we know what exactly took place. I can't smile the whole day. I know I looked sad, I'm sorry people, but I can't help it. I just can't forced myself to smile. You sounded like, you will never ever going to see me again. It sounded like your last words. Don't please don't.

Service was great! But during the word I was very tired, stonning all the time. Ever since praise started, I cried. But, I tried to cover up. Until the first line of worship, I can't help it but tears was streaming down my cheeks like never before.

FORGIVEN
I STAND FORGIVEN IN YOUR LOVE
ON THE CROSS OF CALVARY
YOU SET THIS PRISONER FREE
FOREVER I AM YOURS

I STAND BEFORE YOUR THRONE
IN A RODE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS
JOIN THE ANGEL SINGING
ALL GLORY TO THE LAMB
IT'S NOT BY THE WORKS
OR THE THINGS THAT I HAVE DONE
IT'S BY THE HAND OF GRACE
THROUGH JE-SUS
THE SON

SINGING GLORY
TO THE LAMB
GLORY
TO THE LAMB
GLORY
TO THE LAMB
I STAND FORGIVEN

GLORY
TO THE LAMB
GLORY
YOU'VE SET THIS PRISONER FREE
I'M FORGIVEN

I just don't feel like speaking much today. Too much emotions to handle, I need someone who can share my burden. Breaking down soon.

I can't believe that you actually said that! You actually said that to ME?! You stepped into my life, and played a big role in it, yet now, all you are telling me is for me to forget you?! I can't take it, I can't. How can you be so calm? Am I nothing to you? We shared so many moments together, when I think of them, I wept, tears just started rolling down my cheeks. I seriously don't believe you want me to forget all about you. My heart just felt like it had been torn wide apart, into pieces that can't be fixed back. Maybe I shouldn't have shared my problems with you, maybe I was just making you feel more burdened, I'm sorry. Maybe it's just all my fault. I seriously don't want you to leave, if you are leaving church and you don't want me to persuade you back, OKAY FINE. But why can't you at least let me have you, that's all I am asking, just to have you. I don't know, I am so broken, so sad. Without you, I really don't know how. I can't just simply forget you like this, you're already in my heart, my memories, everything. You can't just leave without a reason, without telling me anything!

After Eliz told me something, I asked myself too. When was the last time I was really happy? Then I realised, I can't remember. I found out I am really tired too, no one ever seems to ask too. So I don't see the point of telling you all.

Remember the first time
When we got to meet together
Awkward faces everywhere
When we try to know one another
We started on this journey
of love, of hope and faith
a new beginning as we start to find our way

As time passes by
We have grown to be aquiantance
Our conversation seems
much longer than they were
The times we had together
We cherish till the end
It's not by chance that
I have you as my friend

We are friends together
Now and forever
Till the end of time
We share our joys, our woes and our sorrows
And never say goodbye
Even if we go our seperate ways
I know we'll meet again someday
Friends forever
Let our heart beat as one

We are friends forever
Now and forever
Till the end of time
We share our joys, our woes and our sorrows
And never say goodbye
Even if the sun forgets to shine
I still can feel this warmth inside my heart
Friends forever
You and I

We'll be together
We're friends forever
We'll be together
Forever more
We'll be together
No matter where we are
We'll be together till the very end

Broken
Swee

Went to meet up darling girl today. Finally I get to see her! We went to walk around, eat and took photos. Just a pity that we didn't take photos together. I shared a number of things with her, really glad that we caught up in each other's life. I saw this bear with a bouquet of roses, I find it so cute and sweet!

Went to Larry's house after that, I felt that sense of closeness in our friendship once again. It feels like, no matter how far we might have gone, the moment we communicate, it's back again. Friends rock! I shared things regarding my cg with him, sharing all my sorrows with him, but he didn't see me cry. Haha. I was behind the cardboard, the moment i start sharing with him, I start to throw the pillow. I am not violent k? Just that I was really sad. Told Jacky about it too, felt so much better after all the encouragements from all you people. THANK YOU SO MUCH! YOU GUYS ROCKS!

I learnt from Larry today, that one of his friends got this sickness called "princess sickness", she cannot sweat, or else her life will be in danger. That's rather sad, cause for someone who loves sports, it's like cutting off her limp or hand. I was telling him, I want to have this sickness called "P.E. fear", therefore, I can't take P.E., if I take, I will faint and be in coma. Haha. Cool right? I bet, Gloria and Stephanie wants something like that too. Haha. Okay I was just being lame. Goodnight people. I am kind of tired. Love always!

It's really good to hear your voice

saying my name, it sounds so sweet

Coming from the lips of an angel

Hearing those words, it makes me weak

And I, never wanna say goodbye

But girl you make it hard to be faithful

With the lips of an angel

The whole entire day I was coughing and blowing my nose out. Felt like my lungs are coming out. Terribly sick. Used up like a thousand tissues. Haha. Okay I am exaggerating. My mum said she is going to confiscate my tissues!!! As I am using too much of them, she's going to make me use toilet roll! HOW CAN SHE?! She's not that mean afterall, thank God she was joking. Haha.

For the rest of the day after school, it's much like a dream. I have no idea why, but it feels like I am a human with a floating soul, I don't know where was my mind, it felt like I was on auto mode. But everything seems to be fine, had a really great time. I miss laughing!

The devil is still trying hard to make me leave church. He's getting stronger but not any nearer. Cheese =)

I guess I need a doctor, with some medicine and alot of love. I know I am getting abit insane. Maybe not just abit. Haha.

Love Always
Swee

Okay, you guys don't really have to check out my hair on sunday. Cause I change it again, to something not so obvious. Okay whatever, I don't really bother anymore. Haha.

First day of school, let's see. The only part I like about it is the 1hr long recess, the fun of being back together with friends. The part I hate, is my form teacher, on the first day of school, judge me by my past and what others say. It really makes me sad. I tell myself, I will prove him wrong! Wrong! WRONG!

FOCUS! motivator? motivation? anything?

I was so excited that after so long I will be able to go skating, and I ended up getting super wet, looking like an idiot skating in the big heavy rain. I skated for less than 5 minutes and it started pouring pigs and donkeys. Sigh. Maybe it's just not the right time. I was quite in a bad temper today, scolded my sister for her asking my niece to throw my phone on the ground. AND SHE DID! It fell in to PIECES! I was already so irritated, so I can't help it, I yelled at her. I know, I am sorry (but I didn't really regret for doing that). Okay I am mean. If that's what you think, I am fine.

I did a little room cleaning when I got home. I dig out all the stuff that I don't want, found a plastic bag, and chunk them all in. I did it drawers by drawers, cupboard by cupboard. I swept the floor. Although it's not that dirty but I just can't stand it. (please don't say "then sit") I realised I always do these kind of things at night, and I've no idea why. I lost my Sec 3 math textbook! I just don't seems to have any memories of me putting it anywhere. I am hungry again. I think there is some worms in my stomach, I get hungry really easy these few days, or maybe weeks, but I refused to eat. Not that I'm on a diet, simply there's just nothing to eat. Felt like eating McSpicy Meal last night. Haha. Today, I feel like eating Rice. I guess I am going to order Macs for breakfast tomorrow morning before school. Ain't I a greedy girl?

By the way... I was so pissed that day. I felt cheated! I hate people who lie for this kind of thing. Even if it's for the smallest things. I was so angry that I burned a hole in my skirt. I bought this topshop clutch that cost $39. I know it's not that expensive that it burnt a hole, but it's according to my finances that day. I had $60. So, it did burnt a small hole. At least it made my day! That I've got myself something nice. Haven't shop for what seems like ages.

I want a new pair of skates!
Long necklace. Denim skirt. Leather belt. New tops.
A BOOK TO HOLD!
That's all! =)

I CHANGE MY HAIR PARTING!!! Hope it won't look too weird. Haha. But for me, I find that it's not bad. Some of them says I look like a doll! That's scary. I don't like dolls. Haha. Check it out on sunday!

How I miss Your touch. I really miss those days when it's just the me and You together. How I love to be in Your presence. I miss it so much. God, I really miss you. Will you give me the second chance? Come back to my life, I need You because I love You. I open my heart to You once again. Will you come in and make it Your sanctuary once again?

ONCE I HAVE TURN MY FACE FROM THEE

YET YOU SOUGHT ME AND YOU CLEANSED ME

MADE ME WHOLE AGAIN

JESUS MY SAVIOR

MY BELOVED AND FRIEND

YOUR PRAISES I BRING

FROM MY HEART I SING

DRAW ME, O DRAW ME AWAY

MESSIAH TODAY

TO YOUR PRESENCE TO STAY

O JESUS NOW CHANGE ME AND MOULD ME

THAT I CAN BE

EVERMORE TRUE TO THEE

YOU ARE THE SHEPHERD OF MY HEART

YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME TO YOUR CHAMBER

MY MASTER AND KING

YOU LIGHT UP MY DARKNESS

AND GAVE ME YOUR WORD

THAT YOU'LL NEVER FORSAKE ME

NOR NO EVER WILL LEAVE ME

This is really a great way to start my year. I really start my year strong in You. Thank you Lord for all you're going to do in my life. No matter how tough it is, You will carry me through it.

It's the year 2007!!!

I am half excited and half not. I really wish that this year will be the best year yet. Everything will go smoothly, including my studies, relationships and spiritual life. The one and only thing I need to do this year in whatever I do, is to... FOCUS!

Spend my countdown in Oschool. It was pretty interesting. At least I don't have to go and squueze in the crowd with blusting noise. People were nice, games were fun, dance was cool, body was lazy. Haha. What a way to start a new year. Loving the fact that I start my new year with people I love around me. Except that, Eliz and Gloria are not with me. I want to take photos with them! Haha.

I don't want to go deeper. I just want to stay where we are right now. Do you know, what it's like, when it's wrong but it feels so right?

I can't imagine 2006 just past like that, in just a blink. It felt like I just started my December holidays. There are so much more things I want to accomplish in that year. I know what had past can't turn back. So, now I just pray that in 2007 I will be able to fulfil everything I need and want to do. No more stupid things, childish acts, confusion. But I guess there will still be times when I want to be in my very own fantasy island.

People I want to thank for making my 2006 so great-

Eliz: Girl, you made my year so colourful. With you around, I am not afraid of being confused and emo anymore. All the smses and calls, are so worthwhile. I'm sorry for not been able to spend sufficient time with you in 2006, I will make it up in this year. I will always remember those times when we wrote letters to each other, picking each other up from where we fell, encouraging each other. Thanks girl, you rock my life. *hugs & kisses*

Xiao en: Although it's abit old fashion, but I still got to say. Seriously, without you, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't get to know God, I wouldn't know so many great people that are in my life right now, I won't look how I look now, and the list goes on and on... You changed my life tremendously. Thanks girl for every single thing; including getting scoldings because of me. Love you a tons and millions.

Gloria: Although you're pretty annoying sometimes, but no worries, I still love you as much! Haha. But seriously, thank you for spending time with me, even when times you don't feel like going out, after my peruasion you will still drag your feet to go out with me. It's more than just the shopping and laughter, it's the friendship that we build. Thanks ALOT for all your care and love. Love you!

Stephanie: Haha. I'm so sorry I can't get you the Rain's concert tickets. I know you will still love me. Haha. Anyway... thanks for keep on reminding me to do my work, to be there to motivate me, to push me forward when I'm tired. Oh! And for always helping me take worksheets when I'm not in school. I promise, promise, I will not make life that difficult for you next year! Cause I've decided to be a good student, to do well in my studies and I won't be absent that much anymore. Wait and see before you make conclusions k? *wink* Haha. xoxo

Larry: Although there's this period of time when we are quite far apart, but I still want to thank you for being such a great brother-in-Christ! All the surprises and love you gave, could last me a lifetime. Thanks so much for all the care, you really made me feel like part of your family! I will never forget those times we spend together, talking on the phone till morning, playing guitar, watching movie, breaking glasses by singing, "suan-ing" each other, picking me up from my deep valley. Thanks man. You had really been a great part in my life!

Entire E316. Lucas, David, Aaron, Dennis, Linda, Dominic, Li Jia, Pearlyn, Urban Groove, and everyone else, I want to thank you guys for playing a part in my life!

HIDE ME NOW

UNDER YOUR WINGS

COVER ME

WITHIN YOUR MIGHTY HAND

WHEN THE OCEANS RISE

AND THUNDERS ROAR

I WILL SOAR WITH YOU

ABOVE THE STORM

FATHER, YOU ARE THE KING

OVER THE FLOOD

I WILL BE STILL

AND KNOW YOU ARE GOD

FIND REST MY SOUL

IN CHRIST ALONE

KNOW HIS POWER

IN QUIETNESS AND TRUST

No matter how tough or smooth 2007 is going to be, I will stand strong in You. I will shine for You wherever I am, whenever I can. Even I'm in my deepest valley, I know you will be there, to carry me through it. Teach me how to live 2007, show me my destiny. Let me soar with you. Come and touch me again, in this brand new year. I want a brand new touch and power upon me. Thank You for everything you will be doing in me in 2007.