Sometimes I really find that I'm such a failure. I just don't seem to have that sense of urgency. I still think that O levels is like 5 years down the road. I always say I want to study hard and archieve good grades for Os. But looking at it now, it's NOT going to happen. It's just so tough to sit down and just study and do my work. I hear it in me, "GET SOME HELP!" I feel so hopeless. How am I going to survive through my Os when I can't even get through my CAs. I don't want go back to Sec 3. Oh GOD! *sigh*

I can never be proud of myself for doing anything that is good and I'm proud of. I'm only good at looking good. I'm not even that good at it afterall. I suck in like EVERYTHING. Studies, relationships, finances, music, writting, dressing, talking, joking, whatever you can name, I suck in it. COMPLETE SUCKER.

I want to skip like...
5 years?
When I will get a FABULOUS job, where I can wear super cool and nice clothes to work, looking really successful with the attitude.
OH LIKE WHATEVER.
I was dreaming, and now,
I'm back to this frigging disgusting reality.
Which is like YUCK, totally.

I feel bimbotic right now.
WHATEVER.
Not in the mood for anything.

I'm just going to wash up and STUDY!
if that would happen,
which I really pray like a thousand, make it a zillion times,
it would.



This world of darkness
even the sun and moon
are not enough to light it up
This life of hell
even at the point of death
it doesn't seem to end

Why is life so miserable
why does it have to be so sorrowful
Where is that God that claim to be here
to provide light?

Blaming everything
Cursing everyone
Hating God

Oh God,
Won't You come and fulfil the promises you made
Won't You come to this valley of death
to give light
Won't You give me the chance
to start anew
All I'm asking is for a new beginning
For a life that is filled with love, peace, hope

Life is never a bed of roses
Long suffering is forever
But what happened to the promise You made
that You would be there
when I walk through that valley of death

Where are You
WHERE ARE YOU

"I'm just by your side
every moment
I'm going through it with you
Just that you don't see it
you can't see it with your bare eyes
you can't hear it"

"Then how would I know You are there?"

"Just have faith, trust and believe.
I'm working in ways you cannot see.
I will do exceedingly, abundantly,
above and beyond what you can ever imagine."


Common grace. It definatly is.







UNLIMITED DESIRES/ LIMITED FUNDS
Is there anyone out there that is nice enough to bless this poor lil' girl here with some money?
I'm not being materialistic.
Just that my closet is like depressed,
and I'm like desperate.
So I guess that's all.
And it's not too much to ask for a poor lil' girl to be materialistic.
(I told you she expect a hell lot of things, and she's never satisfied.)