I am in Shaw's Macdonals in the early morning sitting here using internet all thanks to... GLORIA CHEW! Make me wake up so early in a rainy, sweet morning to just travel down to use internet. -.- Gloria chew, you better go shopping with me. I brought my laptop. Haha.

Life is getting tougher. With all the things piling up like never before. But yet, I don't feel burdened, I can slack and relax. I want to feel burdened, I want to be burdened. I need something or someone to motivate me.

This few days, I didn't really have the time to really just think, to just sit and think. Everything seems to be moving in a fast forward mode. Sometimes I just felt like a robot, whatever or whoever needs me, I will just do it. I don't even know what am I actually doing. Life is getting more and more meaningless. I know the things I do is meaningful to others, but it might not be what I want to do.

Things and time are moving so fast, I am getting tired. Not physically, just inwardly. I sense a call, saying, "You need to be filled, with something, that can last you longer. You need to be charged up, refreshed." Life is getting long, real long. Although I know that one day I will know what I am going through, what is my true destiny, but when will that one day come?

I am getting tired of what I am doing. Is that how I am suppose to feel in order for me to do my best? Is that what it means by rising up? Is that all? I don't know. I don't have the answer. I felt forced, forced to grow, in an environment that I don't want to be in. I've got so many questions that need an answer to come with it. But I know, all I need is to obey. Does obey = just do it without a reason (at least you don't have to know the reason)? If that's the way, I did it and I still am. If it's not, can I know why is it so unfair? Why can he and I can't? Which way am I not better? I did all I could, all he does is play. Why can't I make a choice? Have you ever asked me whether I want to do it? Have you? I am getting rebellious, not physically and spiritually, but mentally, I am asking myself, "Is it all worth it? IS IT ALL WORTH IT?" Like what lucas said to me before, I know the answers to all my problems, I know the cause of it, I know the solutions to it, but I am just not making it happen. I am in need of grace! Before I get too tired, before I break down, give me the grace I need. NOW or at least soon.

GRACE GRACE GRACE!